Journey

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Why now?

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Rakat

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A Facebook friend asked me why now? Why not a year ago? Or even 6 months ago? It's been obvious for awhile I've needed to do something. I'm going to answer here and send her a link to this blog.

I wasn't ready. That's the simplest and easiest answer.  Now the long (and very honest) answer..

Over the past 6 months, my mobility has decreased greatly.  It started last fall. Out of the blue, while shopping, my legs and back started hurting badly. I felt panicked and became more so when I couldn't find a bench to sit on. It's gotten to the point that I can't shop for myself. I need someone to do it for me. At home, I can barely get down the porch steps to make it to the car. Another example...when I lay down, sometimes turning over or onto my side hurts my knees. You would think that would be enough but no...well...I take that back a bit...it started to become enough. I developed venous insufficiency. My doctor prescribed a diet pill along with a water pill. That helped a little. But, not enough. There is still pain. Every day.

At the end of May, a tragedy happened. My aunt died. My mother's sister. They were best friends. Watching my mother mourn has ripped my heart out. Especially during the first week or so. She became very depressed. She is better now, thank God. But, I can not put her through that. I do not want to be the reason she has to mourn again. I don't want to die before she does. I can not do that to her. 

I know I need to do this for myself. Which I am.  She is also the main reason I am taking this journey now.  Hopefully, this explains why now.

 

 

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I think a lot of us go through that - why didn't we do this years ago? Like you say, we simply weren't ready. Surgery - life and body altering surgery - is not something to walk into if you are not ready. I think it is wonderful that you came to the determination with lots of excellent reasons under your belt. I think your life is in for some major wonderfulness :)

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