I'm so excited to be on this pathway, and at the same time, I have so many regrets. In 2013, I had actually applied for the surgery. I was told to schedule for psychiatry, which threw me off and I abandoned the process without a look back.
Then two years ago, I had a doctor prod me in this direction. After 3 years of off and on infertility treatments, my SO and I were told the next step was IVF. Which was terrifying, as very few insurances pay anything towards it, and the cost of ONE attempt is more than the down payment on my house.
The doc told me then he had a physician friend who specialized in weight loss surgeries, and that he thought it would be best I lost 20-30% of my weight before I went spending that kind of money and trying IVF. I kind of froze, shaking my head. I have a personal trainer, I thought desperately. I'll lose this weight.
I knew better. I knew better. I know the stats about people losing weight on their own vs WLS, especially with hormonal issues (PCOS and the all too common thyroid issue in my case), and still I stubbornly refused. I got on the phone that day with my mother and my husband and told them I was dropping treatments for awhile to focus on losing weight. 2015, I said. 2015 will be the year of the weight loss, the year of the baby.
And here I am, halfway through 2017, 15 pounds heavier than I was then, nearly in tears at my first weigh in with my LW Classes six weeks ago. It was the highest weight I've ever been. I've lost 7 pounds since then and had to fight tooth and nail for every pound.
I'm SO excited to finish my prerequisites for surgery and get this ball really rolling. That's in large part thanks to you guys. I had initially surfed around the internet and saw so many people complaining of regain and stretched pouches that I was still hemming and hawwing over what to do. But now that I'm here, and I can see constant, real-life examples of people who are truly making it work - now that I've seen those who failed didn't stick to their program - now that I've seen it's totally a manageable thing...I can't wait.
That excitement propels me through the exercise and the salads and the lack of sugar. But the regret sometimes weighs me down. Where would I be if I'd started this 5 years ago, or even 2 years ago?
I know there's nothing I can do to change it, but that knowledge unfortunately doesn't stop the regret. In some ways, that regret keeps me moving to get all this done so I can have the surgery as quickly as possible. I'm lucky that I now have an insurance that not only covers 70% of WLS, but also at least one attempt at IVF, which is pretty rare. I want to take it for all it's worth!
Tonight is class night, and exercise class at that! It's so nice to exercise as a group, even if we are each kind of doing our own thing. Then a quick lecture afterwards and a nice free night after that.
Hope everyone is doing well
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