4.5 Months Post Op
Lately, I have been feeling extra sad for my fat self. Trying on my old pair of size 26 jeans gives me a lot of motivation. But today and yesterday, just looking at them makes tears start to well up. It just disgusts me that I never realized how big I used to be. And to think these jeans were getting really tight 5 months ago makes it even worse. Now, I know my body image is probably completely warped since most of the time when I look in the mirror I feel like I still look 325lbs, but its embarrassing to me because if I look like this at 234lbs, then holy cow I must have looked super duper horrible at 325lbs. I've been going onto mybodygallery.com lately just to get a feel for how I look now since I'm not sure if what I'm seeing in the mirror is exactly how I look, and when I type in my old height and weight and pants size, I relate very much to the images that show up. When I type in my current height, weight, and pant size I feel like the women look wonderful, but I don't feel like thats what I look like. Its really frustrating because it almost feels like I don't know who I am because I can't figure out what I look like! I'm not even sure if what I'm typing is making any sense at all. Now I'm just scared for what it will be like once I have actually met goal weight. Am I still going to feel obese and gross? I know I wrote a post about this awhile back already feeling this way, and now that I'm writing it again has me really concerned I will still feel this way when I am a normal weight.