Today so far has been getting the better of me. I've been tearful snappy and tired.
I am genuinely tired - lots of late nights and early mornings - unavoidable but necessary. The lack of calorie intake probably has a hand in it too.
My mum has been getting a little bit on my nerves.
We never have had the best relationship, spurts of being close but never 100% solid. We're just totally different. We had a few hard years when she first met her new partner but that seems to have settled ok now. I guess she's being as supportive as she can be at this time. All I keep getting from her is "if you don't want to go through with it don't" and I have to explain that I do, I really really do. She's always been big as have her immediate family - weight for all of us has been a life long struggle - just so happens mine is too much for me and I don't want all the health problems associated with weight so hence my decision for my op and truly I really cant wait until Monday!
I don't know if jealousy is the right word but, she's always got to be one better than me. I'll say I lost 3lb and she'll say she's lost 5. I keep getting calls asking how I'm doing on the pre op diet but its like she's more interested in telling me what she's eaten today. She'll tell me it's so hard doing Slimming World green days - well the other day I snapped and said you wanna bloody try a milk diet! That's HARD! She just said "I know I know I just keep thinking if you can do it I can".
The kids are staying at hers Sunday night so hubby can come up to hospital with me and she has said she'll be there for them as much as we need - which I greatly appreciate - she wont ever let me forget it though. It's her partners birthday on Thursday so Sunday she wants us to go to a BBQ!! Seriously! A BBQ?!
Anyway I agreed just told her don't expect me to cook anything lol. Today she rings me to tell me that he has invited his family down for it too, I've never met them before and how awkward is it gonna be for me! I explained to her that I am worrying a bit because I'm going to be sitting with my milk while everyone fills up on burgers and sausages etc and I'm gonna feel like an idiot! I don't want to tell people I've not met that I'm on a pre-op diet because I don't feel I should or even want to.
All I got from mum was don't worry " I wont be eating alot just salad really" yeah right!!- but that's still eating and you know them and they know you diet! I also explained that I wont be staying late because I've got to get up at 5:30am to get ready and then explained I'm worried about the kids staying up to late and they have school. She just told me not to worry and she'll sort it and it wont be late and it'll be ok. Then she asked me if i was ok and that I sounded upset - well that was it out they came the tears! I sobbed but I'm not sure why - I said I was worried about everything not the op but I just feel I've got so much to prepare and so little time - hubby is a fantastic dad but, I just worry will the kids be fed ok, get to school on time, be washed and clean etc etc I blamed my emotional outburst on hubby getting drunk last night but that wasn't true! Well not entirely. I text mum after and said it's not hubby's fault, I'm just tired, cranky and I'm hormonal **Apologies to the men here ** I'm about to have my period and I'm worrying incase this affects surgery. I've emailed Diane at the hospital twice now but she hasn't replied, boy will i be gutted if they can do it because of "women's problems".
I just feel a bit overwhelmed today. Better since I had a little cry but still not myself.
On a positive note - not feeling hungry still going strong on the milk, bought healthy foods for the family to cover from now until I'm home from hospital where I will probably do an online shop. Not one of hubby's best traits lol
Best wishes & love to all