Weight Loss Meets Real World Issues Providing Perspective

Today has been a whopper of a day. My back pain has subsided somewhat, the soma helps immensely. I was able to do stretching without crying so that is good. I was then getting packed for my trip to Nashville and pulled out a pair of pants and thought, "Wow, those look huge", and in fact they were when I put them on. I was just wearing them last month. I was able to pick my "Tier 1" skinny jeans (there are 3 tiers .. Size 16, Size 14, Size 12)I have a feeling I will be adding to the tier system soon. So those were all great things... then I called my mother.

I am honestly not a fan of unrelated weight loss issues being posted but a) since this is my joural and b) since it impacts my motivation I feel it is ok.

It is usually a pain to speak to my mom as my family is unfortunately consistently filled with negative drama but when she said, "You haven't heard," my heart sank. I am the oldest of 5 and there is 5 years between me and my next oldest brother, 10 years between me and my youngest. My oldest brother (all of 22) has 4children with his wife (all of 21) their kids are 11 months to 5 years -- I know, believe me I know. While I do not support their decisions and actions I love those kids with my heart and soul. I had their picture at the hospital on my phone when I had the surgery so I could look at it and think, "Wow guys I will be able to walk up the stairs and go down the slide with you this summer! I can't wait to be an active aunt". I don't have any children of my own (and have no desire to) so they are wonderful surrogates. My mother informed me that my sister in law left my brother Friday night and went to Texas. I am devastated. Things have not been well, my brother is verbally, mentally and physically abusive and I have encouraged her to leave for a very long time but because of the instant nature of this decision it has knocked me off center. I am not an "emotional eater" -- my problem has always been portion control so its not like this will send me into a 5000 calorie day but I gotta admit losing them makes me lose a little motivation. Mind you I just found all of this out in the past hour (and I am writing, yet again, for catharsis) but I am just in disbelief. It puts losing weight in perspective that is for sure, while I know all of the health benefits of what I am doing, it is secondary to my love for those kids. I am just putting faith in my sister in law that she knows what she is doing but disrupting their lives like this is so traumatic. The two oldest are in school (a private school that I pay for in an attempt to break the cycle of poverty and lack of education) and this is just such a blow to their development. Ok, now I am just thinking selfishly, I should stop because next comes anger.