Thick skin

I am so upset with some things in my life right now.
I attended monthly support group (as usual) and then the Dr's staff breaks everyone up into groups by preop, postop and spouses. So there I sit with 10 other people, half less than 2 years out, and the other half minus two including myself who have gained some the weight back.
I asked if any of them were emotionally down? If they had a hard time struggling emotionally, and didnt know how to cope? Well obviously they cant relate to what Im saying because they have returned to food and feel fine! I tried giving an example of something I have been feeling and having a hard time with, something that is making me uncomfortable with regard to mind, body and spirit. Of course the first person to chime in is a guy that is 3 weeks post op, "Just be yourself." Why is that people who are in the first 6 months out have ALL that answers, I can respond to him as that would be belitteling. I know he means well, but it is not doing me any good at all, and irritating the crap out of me.
I dont know what I am going to do, the things I want to discuss I dont feel are appropriate for a therapist unless he/she has had WLS. I need help getting through this and other emotional woes, not getting over it.
After the group ended, several post ops stuck around and decided it wasnt for them. We figued the first few classes would be a hodge podge of stuff as this is a start up thing in Lancaster. I am thinking about diving back into the world of WLS support group leadership again. I was also thinking about doing it on a cnfrence call format, but that may get too confusing with chiming in and having people be heard. I really feel with all my heart that more is needed here, and that I can fulfill that need. I will have to set a goal to make it a reality.

Goal: By October 1st I will have organized the first group. First I must find the right location, perhaps Dr D will let me use the office. I will have to ask him.
Next I will have to print up fliers, and post proper advertisements to generate interst and attract people. Both pre op and post op would be welcome, just as they were in East County. I will look into telecam/call in thrugh skype to use this new group as a way to also have confrencing, perhaps I could have stream lining and peple could watch and type in questions, stories, etc.

Currently I am reading a book by Kate White, she's awesome. In a chapter of her book I am learning about envy. It's a horrible thing that a woman cannot compliment another woman. Envy fills this forum and creates an often toxic enviroment. I miss the good ol days when people wish everyone good luck, gave kuddos to a wow moment, or when someone was courageous enough to step out of his/her comfort zone. Things here are quite conditional, and I am growing to resent it with each passing week. Resenting pettiness. I believe in the affirmation, "Be the change you want to see." I am constantly giving back feedback and compliments, but I am starting to grow weary and tired of the lack of graciousness that plagues this forum. Yet I dont want to abandon coming here because there are many people who need guidance, and thats what I a trying to provide. I am one of few that are several years out that continue to provide feedback to newbies. I dont want a high 5 for doing something I love, I wish there were least jealous people in the world. One someone can pay another person a compliment it speaks volume about their character.

I am feeling vulnerable again to being attractive, I am beginning to feel creeped out when I get overly gracious compliments from me I meet out and about. I feel unsafe. I dont know what to do with this feeling. I am trying to talk about it, type it out, think about it. I wish there was someone else who felt the way I do. I do not like being the center of attention and I am getting that here in my new surroundings, and it makes me uncomfortable. Worst of all, I dont like the attention is having someone next to you saying, "you love the attention." I insist not at all it makes me very uncomfortable, and their response is, "Yeah rght." I try and choose my battles very carefully, arguing with somebody about my lack of liking attention is not a hill I want to die on.

I got offered a supervisory position at work yesterday, I declined and told the Dr I didnt think thag position required filling, tha we could reorganize with the staff already in place. I like working with my doc, and I would never leave working for him unless it was for famly reasons that moved me out of the area. It was nice though, knowing that he has confidence in me and feels I can help his business, hell I can. Thats one thing I am certain of, Im one hell of a business woman! But I also enjoy the relaxed working enviroment I am in currently.

I need to find a good network of people that can be happy for me.I think I need this to lift my spirits. Where does one find people like me... rewired ppl? Bring out the fliers.

Zay is playing hockey now, he graduated 4th grade and he got all B's and A+ in PE. I was really worried about him considering all the moving we did last last year. He has become such a great reader, I couldn't be more proud of him. He also got an award for having best manners, and always remembering his please and thank you's! I guess I'm doing well in the dept, I woud say I am a really good mom, that lifts my spirits and makes me smile just thinking about it. Eli says his grades are coming up a little bit. His new lil brother is still very sick and in the hospital, coupled with the fact that Zay and I moved I can understand his stuggles with the grades, Vinny and I are trying to support him and provide him with anything necessary to help him succeed. I guess when Im down in the dumps, I need to focus on the things that bring me joy. Elijah, Isaiah, Alexis and Ryleigh. Being here on the east coast close to my immediate family and working for a great doc that appreciates and trusts me.

Why is it so easy to feel really down? Why do I let dumb stuff effect me? Dumb stuff like other people and their arrogance and/or ignorance? I have everything a person could hope for; faith, love, family and health.... lots more to list, but I have to get my butt to work.

Goal: I will be one of lifes perpetual WINNERS not whiners!