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  1. Today was a frustrating day!  After talking to others regarding insurance and preauthorizations, it make me curious to see if my Bariatric office did turn in my paper work to insurance. They said 3 days ago they were sending it out.. Nothing has been sent..ugh.. Said they were waiting for the surgeon to sign it.  I need to be patient and just focus on my healthy eating and exercising ! This waiting game is not my bag.. Lol.. Just had to blow off some steam. 

  2. Hello Everyone!

    On the 10th I was officially 2 months post op! As always let me get this out of the way: I weighed 203lbs on that day. Which if you're keeping track, is only 12lbs down in a month. HOWEVER, I weighed Friday, three days AFTER my two month mark, and I came in at 199.2. I am NOT celebrating onderland yet because I'm baaaarrrrrrely under 200. Let me get to about 195 and keep it there for a couple days and I'll be partying in the streets!

    I attempted to take my measurements this month, but it didn't really work out. I have no idea if I'm putting the tape measure in the same places as the last two times, and I wasn't impressed with the results I was getting (there was almost no difference between this month and last month). I'm not sure I'm going to continue to take measurements, its just too iffy and aint nobody got time for that.

    My clothing situation continues to be ridiculous. I have about 6 shirts and three pairs of pants I can still wear, and I don't mean like, "I can wear them but they aren't very cute on me anymore." I mean like, I cant wear them because they're falling off and a boob might accidentally pop out in public. Its a great problem to have, I'm grateful, but its also irritating.

    I'm going home to Texas for a long weekend this week. I can't drink. Eating isn't fun. I don't know how this is going to go and I'm a little nervous. It will definitely be a test, both for me and my will power and discipline, but also for some of my relationships. I have a feeling many of my relationships are built on a foundation of going out to eat and drink. We shall see! However, I'm also concerned to go home because I know people are going to comment on my weight. The last time I was home I was 40+ pounds more than I am now and wearing 4 pants sizes larger than today. I feel like they're either going to think I should have lost more by now, or they're going to go way overboard telling me how great I look. Either one will make me uncomfortable honestly. I really don't like attention, predictably. Which brings me to...

    Since I've started losing weight, my boss has become incredibly inappropriate with me. It's been so bad I had to report him to HR, though HR has yet to do a darn thing... but that's another story entirely. My point is, I KNOW this wouldn't have happened to me 70 pounds ago, and knowing that makes me feel a lot of things I'm not sure I can sort out on my own. It's not just my boss of course, I've been getting more attention in general, and while its flattering and makes me feel nice in some ways, it also makes me so so uncomfortable and I feel so awkward and out of my element. I've never in my life had to worry about men approaching me. But also, it's very... confusing? -Is that the right word?- when I receive attention from other men, but not necessarily from my husband. I think I should probably start seeing a therapist. But then again I think that sounds like a painful mess, dragging everything out of the closet and looking at it, no thanks. My schedule changes in June, if I have the time to go to therapy, I promise myself I'll at least look into it.

    In other news, I feel gas pains in between my shoulders now. I didn't have this immediately following surgery but now two months later I do feel it occasionally and its actually pretty painful. Another thing is I get this weird feeling in my stomach sometimes, not necessarily painful, just kind of nauseating I guess. I'm not sure if my stomach is telling me I'm hungry, or if its just gas, or maybe some acid reflux. I really can't pin point what's happening in there! Anybody else have a weird feeling in their stomach that sounds something like what I'm describing?

    Hmm, lets see. I had to give up the bariatric advantage vitamins, they taste so bad that I catch myself accidently on purpose forgetting to take them. So I got some chewy vitamins instead and I actually compared the ingredients and they're almost exactly the same. My advice- don't spring for those Bariatric Advantage chewables. Get something cheaper.

    Oh also, I really do think my hair is falling out with a lot more frequency. I am teetering on the edge of spending gobs of money for products and supplements for hair strength/growth... but should I? I could really use some advice. My hair is already thin! I can't afford to lose anymore of it yall.

    Well I'm working on a big project for my department right now and I should probably get back to it.

    Until next time!

     

     

     

     

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    daisychains
    Latest Entry

    I am two weeks out of surgery. Well, technically I am only 13 days but I'm rounding up.

    I weigh 103.9kgs!!! I know this site runs on pounds but I am not American and it kind of confuses me, but that's amazing!! I am proud of myself and I cannot really remember the last time I was proud of myself or the last time I was 103.9kgs! Probably two and half years ago.

    When I first started this journey I expected something else, something much simpler, much more straightforward and less painful. I know that weight loss surgery is not the easy option, that it is difficult but I guess subconsciously, I did think of it that way.

    But it isn't.

    First of all, surgery is a nightmare, I've never had it before, never been to a doctor for anything serious, I've never stayed overnight before and I am lucky, because not only is recovery a #*%$#, hospitals are also spooky at night. 

    I also underestimated how awful the liquid diet would be. My stomach wasn't hungry, but I was jealous, of everything that everyone was eating that I could not. Honestly, I thought I would breeze through the liquid stage because I didn't mind protein shakes or soup and yoghurt. Well, that was a lie. There is something so draining about eating the same thing every day, and not chewing, or having any flavours; everything was either too bland or sickly sweet. Eating becomes a chore, and maybe this is for the best because I definitely didn't have a healthy relationship with food pre-op, but I don't like hating food, I would just like to strike a healthy balance.

    I am looking forward to eating real food, but differently, I'm excited to try new healthy recipes, the ability to leave food on my plate. Enjoy food and not gorge myself until I'm filled with self-loathing.

    Pain wise, I am doing okay, I am 2 weeks out and I feel pretty good, almost how I was pre-op barring the occasional struggle. I am moving around and I try and to go up the stairs couple of times each day, I get winded pretty easily but not sure if that's from surgery or being fat. I am lucky that my recovery is going well, I know it's because I'm young.

    It's just this has not been easy, it has not been awful and terrible, and I am very blessed, there have been no medical complications so I shouldn't complain, and I am not. I am happy I had this surgery, I am just learning that this is a tool, that you don't wake up afterwards a new person. You are still you, and you are responsible for making this work.

    It's important that I know my weaknesses

    •  I love carbohydrates. I love my 8 pieces of toast and pasta and rice, and I know that I will have to stay away from them if I want to prevent regain. It is difficult but I know it's for the best. 
    • Exercise! I am good at it. But I am also lazy and good at putting off going to the gym. A good diet is one thing, but I know I need to work out too.
    • Cheating. I am all talk, I know all about diets and healthy eating, I know a number of calories in a milkshake, I know what I should be eating and what I should be eating, therefore, is no excuse as to cheating. I have to be serious. I cannot allow it this time.

    Sorry for the rambling, I've been trying to catch up on the past two weeks and I need somewhere to place my thoughts.  

    -:D

  3. Mamamac

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    I have begun the process of jumping through all of the hoops for the sleeve procedure.  I have BCBS Federal as well as some of you.  How long did it take for approval once you had all of your tests, visits, etc...

  4. Kamnou

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    Kamnou
    Latest Entry

    Well I had surgery on April 4th.  This was scary and exciting. I was right back in action in 3 days.  It was easier then I thought it would be.  I am now current weight of 312 pounds,  I can not remember the last time I was below 320.  Watch out Twosville here I come.   A year ago I was 370 my surgery weight was 324.  I am happy with the results.  I have to say though I travel for work.  I travel across Canada and the US.  It is very difficult to have the protein and the water that you needs while you travel.  I land in cities I do not know and I try and find protein in Walmart's and Targets and try and find a GNC.  I can not purchase to many because I have to go back to the airport and get on a plane again in a day or two. :ph34r:.  Going to enjoy the results and not be the fatest person in the room.  Fall back meal for me is soup.  Some of the waitress think I am crazy when I ask for as much broth and as few noodles as possible.  Ah Well

  5. I'm 2 weeks and 3 days post op and I've only lost 11 Lbs.  I saw my surgeon last Friday and relayed my concerns about my slow weight loss, it was then that he informed me that he couldn't make my stomach as tight as he would have liked because I had too much scar tissue from a previous surgery (lap band 2008).  But he assured me that by keeping on the program, eating enough protein, getting my fluids in and exercising that I would have no problems losing weight.  So I weighted myself on Friday and I had only lost 2 Lbs. from the previous week.  Against my better judgement I decided to weight myself again this morning, 3 days from the last weigh in, and no weight loss!!  I've haven't eaten anything since 2 days before my surgery on March 25, 2016.  All I've had since than is protein shakes and water.  I read blog's from other VSG patients and most have dropped 16 Lbs. or more by the end of their 2nd week.  I even read one blog where the individual is losing 2 to 3 lbs. a day...wow.  I know everyone's body is different and I shouldn't compare myself with others.....but man it’s hard not make the comparisons. Oh, and I'm on my 3rd week, which I understand is notorious for stalls.....great!!   I'm gonna keep the faith and keep on the program and hopefully I'll see a difference soon.

  6. Maybe someday I will come up with a more original title for my blog entries, but it will have to suffice for today.  Day two started off really strong.  By mid-day I was drained of all energy and felt like I was moving under water.  And I had a terrible headache.  On top of that I got some bad news about my dad, who is nearing the end stages of terminal cancer.  When my sister texted that her dog is very ill and they might have to put her down, I lost every ounce of willpower I had in me.  When I got home from school (actually work but I'm a teacher so I always refer to it as school) I was feeling rotten so I ate rice cakes.  I know that sounds harmless, but they were flavored rice cakes and I downed two and a half 3.5 ounce bags over the course of the next hour and a half.  The reason I am able to do that is because I drink while I eat so the chewed up food just goes right through my stomach.  Throughout the rest of the evening I ate a piece of pizza and a half a bag of granola.  

    Past history would have me wallowing in self pity and feeling like a weak-minded sloth!  That type of thinking is just going to perpetuate these eating habits, so I am going to make a conscious choice to think about the positive.  I did manage to go 41 hours on all liquids, which is more than I have done in quite some time.  When I did eat, it wasn't good, but I could have done much worse.  And I exercised.

    Now, I could use feeling crappy, my dad, and my sister's dog as reasons for falling off the wagon.  But here's the thing, if I continue to justify my unhealthy eating because of what is going on in my life, I will never get back to a healthy lifestyle.    

    I am going to my parents this weekend to help my dad transition back home after spending almost a month in the hospital.  It is going to be a very emotionally charged weekend, and in the spirit of honesty, I can't say that I'm going to eat healthy or stick to my plan.  With that said I am going to make an effort to do things that will continue to pull me in the right direction.  I am going to continue blogging and checking into thinner times.  I am going to go for walks (they live on a lake in the middle of the woods so it's absolutely beautiful) and I'm going to strive to make good food choices.  

    I am not going to give up on this.

  7. Wyobabyface
    Latest Entry

    It has been 2.5 years since my bypass. I apparently hit my base weight (which I still am not sure what that means) at 245. I just stopped losing weight last January 2015. Just stopped...I have been trying everything to get back on the losing track. What exactly is base weight and why I have I stopped losing? I have kept off the 75 pounds...but don't know why I can't lose. Any ideas what to do? Doc said to eat at the same time everyday. I have tried that even though that is hard with all the things going on in our lives. But I do try. I try to watch how much I'm eating and doing pretty good at that. No soda, not eating out very often...I need help please I need to lose at least another 50 pounds if not more.

    Thanks in advance for any advice from others this has happened to.

     

  8. On February 20, 2015, my insurance company and medical provider determined that I qualified for bariatric surgery based on BMI.  At 237 lbs and 5' 4", my BMI was over the required 40 (40.7).  While I had (pre-surgery) or still have a number of obesity-related conditions (PCOS, pre-diabetic, plantar fasciitis, etc), none of them were considered qualifying comorbidities under my insurance plan.  However, my plan allows qualification based on BMI alone, and thus I began the testing process to begin my actual approval for surgery.

    My testing took some time due to the usual medical bureaucracy, but went largely without incident, and on November 23rd, 2015, I consulted with my surgeon and my dietitian, and was approved for an RNY gastric bypass, which the surgeon and I both agreed best suited my situation.  The surgery was scheduled for December 14th, 2015. 

    The day of the surgery, I arrived at the medical center just over half an hour earlier than the required check-in time, and after waiting for some time, found that my surgery time had been delayed.  This wasn't surprising - surgeries often run over.  My surgery had been scheduled for 1:30 in the afternoon, and expected to last 3-4 hours, but ended up starting around 3:45.  I was out of surgery before 6:00 PM.  My surgeon told the people who accompanied me to the surgery center that the surgery was able to be completed so quickly because I had "a delightfully small liver."

    My in-hospital recovery (discharged around noon after two nights, so I stayed in the hospital for one full day and one half day) was uneventful, aside from a few minor hiccups with my allergies. (I was, at one point, given a medication to which I am allergic - thankfully it only causes nausea, and I noticed the problem before I took the second dose, and I was on anti-nausea medication at the time, so the effects were not serious.  I was also twice served food to which I am allergic, which I refused to eat, and the dietary services staff chastised me for "not telling my allergies to the kitchen when I called in my meal," which I explained that I had not done, since I was on the clear liquids meal plan, and that my allergies were all on record with the hospital and my nurse.)  My surgeon saw me briefly post-op, but after surgery he delegated all of the check-ups and exams to his ARNP.  I would say that he is a very, very good surgeon, but that his follow-up leaves something to be desired.

    I was off my narcotic pain medication within 2 days of my return home from the hospital, and off of the liquid Acetaminophen another 1.5 days after that.  One of the suture sites was not closed quite right (the glue was inside the top 1/4" or so of the incision, holding it open, rather than over the incision pulling it closed), so it was not healing.  I eventually figured out what was going on when that site still had not healed at 6 weeks after all of the other sites had healed, and I removed the glue, cleaned the site, and used medical tape to pull the top of the incision closed.  It healed quickly, taking less than a week to close, but it is not as neat as the other sites, due to having been held open by the glue for so long.

  9. Ladycat
    Latest Entry

    I've been approved for the sleeve, once I get all the pre-approvals!

  10. I am a little over 2 months out now and feeling really good overall. I have stepped up my exerice a little bit; not as much as I would like but its getting there. I am getting a lot more comfortable with food and trying to limit my protein drinks when I can. The time seems to be flying now and everytime I step on the scale I see a little improvement. I am even starting to notice a change in my body somedays. I say somedays because most days I still see the same old me at 264 pounds. Every now and then though when I look in the mirror I see a skinnier me. Its crazy how the mind plays tricks on you.  I attended my first Healthy Behaviors class this week (its 1 of 4) and found it really helpful. I never was of the mindset that "support groups" could be helpful before this journey but now I am finding everything little thing I read or class I attend is helping me stay on the right path. I so wish I would have done this a lot sooner... but then again maybe I wouldnt have been sucessfull back then, who knows.

    One big step I have been able to overcome is eating out. I typically try to avoid eating out as much as possible just because I never know what I can and cant eat. This isnt always possible and I cant keep turning down invites from friends just because I am scared. I am a little obsessive about it but when I know I am going to go eat out; I immediatly go online and start looking at the menu and the nutrition facts. I look at everything and find what fits into my dietary needs. I still havent eaten fast food and honestly it doesnt even appeal to me to try and find something at one of those places. Its weird how food can be scary. I am trying to branch out more and try new things. I just hate that I wont know what doenst agree with me until I eat it. The whole trial and error thing sucks. Luckily I havent had anything that has made me sick just a few things made me feel pretty uncomfortable.

    I am excited for my 3 month post op later this month. I still cant believe how time is flying by now.

  11. I'm 11 lbs. from my goal of 135. Slowest pounds in the history of ever, but I keep pushing forward ounce by ounce. Frustratingly, I was stuck at 148 for about three weeks and then all of the sudden, dropped two pounds in two days. I'm thrilled, but confused as I haven't changed anything. I'm sure it's just a body thing as I inch closer and closer to a normal body weight, but urgh! I'm determined to reach my goal, so that I can be in a normal BMI (normal for my height is 141 or less supposedly). I'm happy with my weight now though and how I look, but I need that personal accomplishment - and, who knows, I may be even happier in the 130s.

    I'd been in a size 8 pants since Nov / Dec 2015, but hadn't bought new work trousers since size 10, so this past weekend I went trouser shopping as the 10s were looking very baggy - and I fit in a size 6!!! I couldn't believe it. Size 6!!! I'm in a small shirt already, so that hasn't changed. I kind of hope I don't shrink to extra-small as it seems harder to find shirts in that size.

    Anyway, as of today, I'm down a grand total of 116.6 lbs. from my starting weight and about 103.2 from my day-of-surgery weight.

    Can't wait until the number of pounds left to lose is a single digit. That will seem so much easier. Mind games, y'all. :)

     

    ETA (03/25/2016): Same pattern as before - suddenly dropped from 146 to 144 last night. Seems my body is taking its time in dropping these last few pounds, but no worries! I'm very happy with my progress and am sure I'll get to 135 eventually. Ha! So happy to only have 9 lbs. left to go though.

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    So...

    It's been 2 months since my surgery and Ive lost a considerable amount of weight. There's been some complications that I'm not really sure whether or not they have to do with the surgery but since I started dealing with the ailments after the surgery date, I can only suggest that it was do to an issue the doctor had while performing my procedure.

    What happened??? Well, during my surgery I developed some bleeding that turned into a hematoma. When I started my stay in the hospital room, I developed an even bigger one that made it difficult to breath. The doctors were about to put me back into surgery to attempt to fix the bleed but they first wanted to start blood infusions. I received a total of 4 infusions with the hopes that the natural clotting agents in blood would fix the bleed. While this was happening, I was getting 220mls of IV fluid ever hour for 4 days straight. The problem seemed to fix its-self as the bleeding stopped and my blood count raised to a level that doctors weren't worried anymore.

    I was extremely weak and I had sever headaches during my stay at the hospital and at home. There were times of complete blindness and I could constantly hear my pulse to the point where it began to even whine as if it was a tiny little siren. I felt like my eyes wanted to pop out of my head. When I had my follow up appointment with my surgeons. They were very alarmed by these symptoms and sent me to my general physician. My general physician was also extremely alarmed by what my surgeons and I were telling her so she sent me into to see an eye specialist and requested an MRI on my head. It was determined that I had sever swelling of the optical nerves or papilloedema on both eyes. They were thinking that I had a tumor in my head. So, I went in for the MRI at 5pm and then I got home and was resting about to call it a night when I got a call from my general physician telling me to go to the ER immediately. I was scared as I was preparing myself for the ER doctor to tell me that I needed to have brain surgery ASAP. He was in contact with my doctor and he told me that there was good news and bad news. Good news is that you do NOT have a tumor. What you have is idiopathic intracranial hypertension. I have a pseudo tumor. In other words... my body or eyes are reacting as if there was a tumor but in the words of Arnold Schwarzenegger, "IT's NOT A TUMAH!!"  Its referred to as idiopathic because there is no medical explanation. He said now for the bad news. We are going to have to perform a spinal tap to drain spinal fluid to ease the pressure on the back of your eyes. Not fun and the only thing I gained was a new respect for women giving birth and receiving an epidural.

    Things are subsiding now. I have lost a total of 48 lbs so far and I'm starting to enjoy the idea of getting new cloths that will fit me. my pants are beginning to far off my hips.. 

  12. Wow. Five years! Happy, healthy, not necessarily a model patient but I weigh 143-145 most days, eat like a "normal" person for the most part, although I still don't use straws, eat rice, or drink carbonated beverages. I try not to drink with meals. I do drink wine. Mm that's about it. Enjoying life. 

  13. Dani_Detroit
    Latest Entry

    -Moved into the new house mid- January and so happy too! It is much more space and so quite here. It is great to wake up to nothing but sunlight and well, the baby singing to herself in her room.

    -Husband got a new car which will cost less in taxes and cleaner for the air so that is nice. Also a quite. Never knew how much noise that diesel made over the Prius.

    -Got my sexy workout clothes at last and........they are in a size small from H&M! I am a small! I really need to keep things up if I am going to stay in those clothes because temptation is everywhere. It is so hard to keep passing that damn candy store, they have mint cookies and I love mint. It is rare to have mint ice cream and cookies here so the fact they sell them makes it super hard. I decided to order some mint extract and try to make my own mint chocolate sugar free cookies.

     

  14. I have some things I need to get off my chest... It has been two months since my gastric sleeve/gallbladder surgery.   I had two really important things to discuss, in my first outing since surgery to my monthly book club meeting.  The waitress who waited on us was very RUDE and I was wondering if anyone has anyone had a similar experiences.

    I ordered my chicken Caesar salad and a takeout box(I only 1/4 cup of the salad and took the rest home as previously advised) the waitress made the comment that "why was I ordering that ?  And that it was two years before she could) she had gastric bypass previously. and then when I was cashing out she made the comments about "my stomach what I was going to do with my access skin and that I needed to get myself in gym”, and the third comment was not made to my face but with the owner of the restaurant and waitress talking about me while I was eating all because this particular waitress eavesdrop on our conversation. My question is has anyone ever encountered this problem?? Should I give a bad review on Yelp?? I am still bitter about this.

    My second question is my friends wanting me to start going out for drinks and food and because of this incident I am terrified (my friends have insured me that they love me and just want to see me not what I am eating) .. My second question did anyone have anxiety about going in public after having surgery even with close friends or self?

      I am sorry to bother everyone with these questions and appreciate anyone's advice (normal I would keep off the internet but it’s hard to share with my close knot family and friends and I wanted others opinions who have the surgery... THANK YOU for listening.

     

    grumpy-cat (7).jpg

  15. If you had Gastric Bypass surgery  9 months ago, I'm doing a graduate thesis on FAT Bias and the role it has played in our lives before and after surgery. I would really love to chat with you about it if your interested in learning more. I need volunteers for my research, this is an important study that considers the fat bias experiences people have had in there lives based on whether they were over-weight as children or if they gained the weight as adults. please contact me to learn more -Scott

  16. 2016&Ready
    Latest Entry

    well I went for my psych eval results this morning ... I passed... Whew ... Not that I didn 't think I would .... But what the heck ... Why should the results of my MMPI control my future .... The results actually said My responses were too contrived ???? What does that mean????  It means that I was too afraid to be exposed????

  17. just.a.pretty.face?
    Latest Entry

    Hi, I was wondering if anyone has any advice on sugar alcohols or sugar substitutes.   So far I am doing well and am 70lbs down with surgery being September 18th.  however, I am working out 4-6 times a week walking a 5k at least twice a week and then the gym for about 1.5 hours the other days with a trainer. I am still stalling at times, and I know that that will happen naturally but I want to make sure that I am giving my body the best opportunity possible to loose this weight and be healthy.  Basically I am wondering if anyone has had any issues with sugar substitutes affecting them in a negative way and slowing down their weight loss.

    Also, I am going on a cruise next week and wanted to see if anyone has any advice on the true alcohol.  I have not taken in much alcohol since surgery but know that I will not avoid it on the cruise.  The food aspect does not scare me as I feel like I have beaten that need that I use to feel towards food, but don't want to gain weight from alcohol.  I know that I will not have beer, but any advice on what to have that will not stall me or at least make me not gain would be very appreciated!  (working on being honest with myself about the situation:)) 

  18. So my vsg was 10/19/2015.  I've lost about 80 lbs. Since I began. My highest weight was nearly 375!! On surgery day I was 325 and today I am 284. I have recovered very nicely. To be honest, I feel so normal its like surgery never happened. My loss has been a little slower than I hoped for., but I'm feeling better everyday.  The only real difference is I can't eat very much.  I know that I will hear a lot of crap about goals and diet and being honest with myself. But that's the thing I am honest with myself. I have not changed my life much at all. I healed and did well with food pretty quick. No food is completely off the table for me. I ate cookies and bread throughout the holidays and I enjoyed it. I noticed that I cannot eat beef two days in a row or my digestive system gets sluggish. And some foods just sit a little heavy like potato. But I have not thrown up or felt sick from anything. I have not  vomited once since surgery. Have not had the runs or constipation. No heartburn. No indigestion. Nothing. Nothing has changed for me except the size of my stomach and 5 small puncture scars on my upper tummy. I eat my protein first. But I am not on a "diet" anymore. Im aware to get the most weight off a diet would serve me well.. But I'm trying to live a normal life. I am a foodie. I like to cook. I like to eat. Surgery did not strip me of this. Vsg is what I did, not who I've become. I don't drink soda. I don't do caffeine. I don't fry food often. I don't eat fast food. When I do eat something sweet or fattening its from scratch. I even bake my own bread. My overall diet is pretty natural and healthy anyway. I don't do aspartame or other chemical sweeteners. I use sugar and honey. I quit the protein shakes and don't plan revisiting them unless a blood test shows I'm deficient. I still put carbs on my plate. Once I eat my protein and vegetables there isn't much room for more than a bite or two. I don't graze I eat 2 meals and 3-4 small snacks a day. I drink mostly water. I don't feel deprived of anything. I feel that I have completely adapted. I don't even notice how little I actually eat until someone voices concern that I'm not getting enough. My small portion is my new normal. The hardest part was teaching myself that it's OK to not finish my plate. I waste food every night. I don't plan my meals by protein grams, I naturally gravitate to high protein Foods and I believe that my overall protein and vitamins/ mineral needs are being met with my whole food approach. Considering my surgery was at the beginning of The holiday season ( food season in my family) I am very pleased with my progress.  My loss is weird. I lose 10 stall , lose 10 stall etc. I literally drop 10 pounds overnight and then stall till my next 10. I find it strange and it seems physically impossible. I lose inches during my stalls. 

    All this being said. It is new years and for as long as I can remember losing weight has been my resolution. Not this year. My resolution is to go out and do all the things that I have not been able to because of the pain of my size in the past. I still have a ways to go.. But the current me could run circles around the 3 month ago me. But still I am geared towardss heath this time of year from the past. I guess it's become a tradition. My next doc appointment is at the end of the month and I will finally be cleared to workout more than walking and I can't wait to see how the pace of my loss is once I can do more strenuous activity. I'm getting jiggly in places that have deflated and I can't wait to tighten it up some. I will be eating closer to the surgery status quo minus the sugar free chemicals, and I will be focused on taking myself down to healthy.  I plan on getting as much out of this honeymoon phase as possible. I can't wait to see what 2016 has in store. Im excited about the future and finding myself again. I'm excited to shed this fat suit. I hope you are all well and making strides in your journey. :)

     

  19. My sister and brother in-law were very surprised when they saw me. My brother-in-law repeatedly told me how good I looked. It felt great!!! I had a new outfit on and more importantly a very positive attitude. This year has been a wonderful year for me. Losing seventy pounds does something wonderful for one's ego. I had a lot of energy to walk around the city without getting tired. This year my goal with be to exercise at least five times a week. I have to up the exercise because I have stopped losing weight and have stalled at 169 for  at least a month. My bariatric team has been encouraging me to exercise at least five times a week. I have been really resisting this and giving them plenty of excuses. But now I am ready to make this change in my life. I have become to realize it's never to late to change. This truly has been a journey of wonderful changes.

  20. so today have been the first day that i have been relitivitly pain free. i get a little twinge every now and again when i sneeze and cough or if i use too much of my core to sit up. and for some reason when i am sitting in the kitchen in a chair it hurts just sitting there. not sure why, but it does. other then that i have been feeling great, physically that is. i have been having a lot of food cravings and wanting. it has been very very hard. i knew it would be, but not this hard or this intense. i know it is something that i will have to deal with for the rest of my life. on christmas the rest of my family was having pizza. i love pizza and i did think it would be hard at all. but they got my fave kinds. the kids had cheese and pepperoni and the wife had a gormet chicken garlic supreme one. it wasnt that i was hungry or anything, i was just wanting it. i really really wanted it. i didnt take one bite ot lick or anything, but it made me think a lot. made me think about how honest i was with myself before the surgery. made me think about the relationship that i have with food and why i eat, besides needed to in order to have energy and live. i thought that i ate out of boredom and when i was having a bad day, but that apparently isnt the case. i eat cause i want the bad things i guess. i meen i know thats how i got to where i am now, but it was just very hard the other day. also the things that i thought would give me the most trouble wanting havent really been that bad at all. i thought that i would want more sweets and things like that, but those havent been bad at all. i dont even really miss beer or booz as much as i thought i would. 

    in 2 days i go back for my 2 week check up. i so cant wait for the dr and the nutritionis to see how well i have been doing and i hope that my blood work is all in order. i would hate to have to take shots or more pills for things. taking pills not is a HUGE pain in the @*#. everything had to be ground and powdered. i didn't think that it would be that big of a deal, but some of the pills taste horrible when you have to really taste them. it got so bad that i had to get a liquid multivitamin instead of the ones that they approved for me to take. it was so bad that taking it made gag and almost throw up. most of the others arent that bad, but i think that the pill i have to take to prevent gallstones might rune plane greek yogurt for me. its thousands of tiny little dots and they taste horrible. oh well. i knew this before i signed up for this so i will just have to deal with it. 

    i have also been taking self pictures every week, only taken 2 sets so far, so that in 6 months and in a year i can look back as to how big i was and how far i have become. i have also been getting on the scale every other day or so. i know i shouldn't but i just cant help myself. im steadily loosing weight every day and that has felt really good. i have beein keeping track since dec. 2nd and i was about 308.4 lbs then. so far i have lost about 21 lbs since then. it really makes me happy to see the numbers going down annd down and down. after years and years of the numbers going all over the place. sometimes up..... sometimes down..... it just feels good to be making some real progress. 

    i also cant wait to be going back to the gym on a regular basis and really start dropping the pounds. i wanted to get my water intake under control before i started really heading back and now that i think i have it down good i think i will start going there every day and just walking. a good clip but nothing too crazy for now. i also cant wait to get back to lifting. i loved it when i was making some good headway with the lifting and i cant wait to start it all over again.   

  21. Today I went to see my surgeon who did my sleeve for me and she says I have to talk to the therapist and nutritionist first before talking another surgery. I only went to see her because in my despair I couldn't think of what else to do. I feel as though if something as drastic as surgery didn't work for me what else can anyone do. I am only 18 lbs less than my original weight 3 years ago. The most I've ever lost was almost 30 lbs. I would come online and research failed gastric sleeves, everyone reassured me I was just losing it slow. No one loses this slow. I can't even say I eat a lot of fast food. I can eat a full plate of protein with ease. And I usually don't have time to eat all day so I have large helpings in the evenings.

    I also feel frustrated because something is obviously wrong with me. I suffer from clinical depression and anxiety. I sometimes drink more now than I did before surgery. Nothing crazy but even that I drink vodka and diet coke. No sugary drinks. I'm pretty sure I have high blood pressure now. Even if I were the absolute worst patient and I know that I'm not, I should have lost a modest amount. My thyroid is fine last I checked a few months ago. Being this way has destroyed my self esteem and my life. I try diet and exercise in vain. I felt like she was making it clear that it was me and not the surgery. I'm sure she's right but it hardly seems fair that so many people did it and at least had temporary relief. 18 lbs in three years gaining and losing the same 10-15?? 

    I am scheduled to do a barium swallow so she can look at my stomach and see if I need a revision. I don't want to switch to another type of weight loss surgery if it comes to that. If my sleeve is too big I'd be willing to redo it. Otherwise that's it.

     

    The nurse practitioner says my case is unusual. That in their practice they may see one or two people per year who have not lost any weight like me. 

     

    Why did I have to get the confirmation that I'm a biological freak of nature? I would suspect this when everyone says how easy it is to lose weight. I become maniacal about tracking things 

    How do you cut out a chunk of your stomach and without even increasing your meals, remain the same weight?

     

    So if you googled and landed on my page, I am a person who 100% failed at my weight loss surgery and now I have begun the very long process of trying to do something about it.

     

    This nutritionist is going to make an appointment with me way later just to tell me to log my food which I already do. I am going to take the most meticulous notes I can so we can get to the point. Three years. The idea of waiting another day for legitimate help out of this prison of a body feels too much to bear.  I'm going to turn thirty looking like this and single because of it.

    I posted this in a thread in the long term post op VSG portion of the site for anyone who wondered like I did years ago if its possible to fail.  Unlikely, I hear, but there's always that one

    I'm that one. :( 

    my heart is broken