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Most days I feel great, but today was one of those days where I'm very well aware that I had surgery two weeks ago. Nothing really bad - I was just super tired all day, so much so that I took an afternoon nap. It threw my whole schedule out of wack, such that I met my protein goals but am still working on fluids and didn't actually get any exercise. Leah basically did chores all day so I felt like a total loser in comparison. Some of those chores were mine! I can't wait till some of my physical restrictions are lifted and I can start being of more use around the house again.
Since I didn't have the energy for much, I spent most of the day working on a tracking spreadsheet for, well, everything. Food, protein, vitamins, meds, fluids, exercise, sleep, weight... even my period. I've set it up so each tab is one day, and each day covers everything I'm supposed to do to support my health during this journey. (I kind of hate using the world "journey" in this context - it makes me feel like I should be spouting mantras while climbing mountains in Tibet - but it certainly felt like a journey today.) Tomorrow I'm going to work out some charts so I can see the daily ups and downs of my weight and track them against fun stuff like how much sleep I got the night before and what my fluid intake was the day before... yeah, I've clearly lost my mind.
Earlier in this blog (or earlier in forum posts, probably) I mentioned I'm not much of a tracker of things. This process seems to have knocked that out of me, at least for now. I'm not sure how long I'll keep up the tracking, but I'm guessing at least until I've got myself into an eating pattern that feels sustainable in Stage 4. I want to say I'll do it throughout the "honeymoon period" or until I reach my goal weight, but honestly I'm not that optimistic about my tracking endurance. We'll see how it goes. I mean - it's pretty easy to track everything you put in your mouth when everything you put in your mouth is either ricotta, greek yogurt, or a protein shake, you know?
I actually feel a bit like my work life has invaded my personal life. It started with weight - of course I'm going to track my weight! But from there I kept thinking of other pieces of data that I might want somewhere down the road. And if you're a person who works with data, you know that it takes a lot of it to tease out any actual information. The more I have, I figure, the more I'll be able to see what effects my weight loss/gain. Next thing you know, I'll be trying to report this stuff to my boss ! (Who will totally get a kick out of this when I tell her about it...)
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I know it has been a long while since I last made a post. There is a reason for that. Kind of…
Before I get into the non WLS side of what has been happening I'll update how things have been going for the last couple of weeks. I am now currently in week 8. I have adjusted to eating normal food as much as the definition of post-surgery "normal food" lets you. That really did not sound right… I am happily eating a post-surgery diet of normal food… just not much of it!... Ya, that's better! All kidding aside, things have been going rather well. I have been blessed with no adverse side effects and have not encountered any foods that have given me issues. I have only had two real issues, one has been with constipation, but the doctor thinks that it might have to do with the iron content in my multi-vitamin. The second has just been a recent development. I have been getting a nauseous feeling after taking my multi-vitamin, I even vomited the other day after taking it… not sure what is up with that yet. I will be getting ahold of the office on Monday to see what they have to say. I still have not been able to get my caloric intake up to where the doctor would like to see it, I have still been hovering around the 600-800 range rather than the 1000-1200 range the doctor would like to see me at. I do need to increase my exercise level, but it has been hard with the hours I have been working… That is about it, as far as the WLS.
Start Weight: 465 lbs.
Surgery Weight: 448.3 lbs. (16.7 lbs. lost prior to surgery)
Current Weight: 383.0 lbs. (65.3 lbs. lost since surgery)
Total Lost: 82.0 lbs.
Starting BMI: 63.1
Current BMI: 51.9
Now on to the daily life stuff that interferes with everything else.
I work as a night shift supervisor in a 24/7 logistics office that is operated by four supervisors and one manager. Just before I went for my surgery the manager transferred to Florida, which really did not make a difference since he did not do much in the first place. He had planned this transfer back in January and had already left mentally. During the first week I was off, the other night shift supervisor quit. To top things off one of the day shift supervisors turned in her notice but agreed to stay long enough for me to return to work.
In order to cover for my absence and the departure of the other night supervisor, they flew in two people from a California office. On the surface that sounds good except for the fact that the two people that came to cover had no clue what they were doing. This leads to why I have been so busy for the last month. If you have been following the math, when I returned there was only myself and one other supervisor that knew what we were doing. I spent the first two weeks just cleaning up the havoc that the two people from CA had caused by not knowing what they were doing. The second two weeks I spent training the two replacements which meant that I worked their shift with them training and was on call for them via laptop to solve any issues that came up. Basically I worked 14 days straight. Needless to say I have not had a lot of time on my hands, but it is getting better. One of the up sides of all the changes is that I was able to take the other day shift position.
There is more going on involving a semi-hostile takeover that I won't be able to comment on until it is fully announced and a done deal. Needless to say the new events are going to make my life even more… errr… interesting?
Until next time… the saga continues….
This post is the follow-up to my post asking for advice earlier this week - http://www.thinnertimesforum.com/topic/120767-advice-for-post-op-dinner-party/
A few days ago, I starting really worrying about a dinner party I was invited to and asked for advice. I got lots of good pointers, mostly along the lines of “don’t get so worked up over this - people won’t care/notice.” Well, last night was the dinner party, so here I am for a post-party postmortem.
Before the party, I had emailed the hostess to say that I was a vegetarian-who-now-eats-fish (a category I once derided as “fake-atarian” but must now dignify with the name of “pescatarian” I guess). I was happy to hear that the hostess also falls into this category, as does another guest (whew! I wouldn’t be arriving at a lamb-roast! that’s a good start!). I loaded up on protein early in the day just in case, and determined to do my best to eat a little bit of whatever was served. I was also praying for salad, since I can do a pretty decent job of taking out some green leafy vegetables without getting too full. Or maybe a buffet-style thing where I could just take tiny bits of things.
I arrived to find that there were only 5 of us, total (alarm bells!) and that the hosts are sort of famous for their cooking (more alarm bells!). However, they are also very very very fit and health conscious people, so I was still holding out for something other than a giant plate of carbs. I had some wine before dinner and some veggies and hummus, which was a great option. Then, the baked brie topped with fruit and nuts and maple syrup (Canadians!! grr!) came out of the oven, and a loaded up cracker was thrust at me. “This,” I thought briefly, “would be a bad time to find out that I dump from sugar.” You see, dear reader, I have had no sugar, other than the stuff naturally occurring in dairy, fruit, and veggies, in 8 months, so I had no idea whether this would be the end of the world or no big deal. (I maybe should have experimented beforehand.) I ate the cracker with the stuff on top, and the maple syrup definitely wasn’t a selling point in my opinion, but it went down and stayed down, and I felt OK. As a non-Canadian, I do like maple syrup in theory, but do not enjoy the liberal use of it that Canadian expats seem to enjoy.
Then, to table. Out come pre-plated dinners (worst case scenario!). They served seared tuna and grilled vegetables and grilled halloumi (an excellent firm salty Middle Eastern cheese, best eaten grilled or fried, doesn’t melt, just gets crispy). Yes! I can eat all of those things! I skipped the bread (and actually the salad, too, no room with this giant plate of normal sized portions!), and attacked the tuna, which was delicious. I ate really really slowly and drank wine while eating (please just wash some of this food through so I can eat more!) and managed to eat about half of the tuna, all of the halloumi and some of the veggies. I mumbled some things about low carb and how delicious everything was - it was actually really delicious. At a certain point, I was admonished to stop eating if I was full and not worry about it, since of course I was the last one eating and the only one who didn’t clean her plate I gave up at that point.
Then, the hostess disappeared into the kitchen to get dessert. Which came back to the table already plated (small voice inside making strangling sounds). It was sitting in front of me before there was any possible way I could have politely declined or even asked for a smaller piece. These are people I don’t know at all, remember, and who are being very nice to me and my husband as new people, to invite us over for dinner - so I can’t really be rude here. It’s super ultra rich chocolate cake and ice cream (small voice takes on new urgency, sort of quietly screaming). I’m pretty sure I looked a little like a deer in the headlights, but I tried to be calm, really I did. I skipped the ice cream and got some tsk tsks for that, but I ate a lot (for me) of the cake. I maneuvered around the frosting and got only the cake itself, to minimize the dumping risk. I ate super slowly. I tried to refuse the fancy Italian chocolate liqueur that was served with it, and was allowed to share one with my husband (I took fake sips).
The cake was good. I’m not really a chocolate person (sounds crazy, I know, but I don’t love it, and since my sense of smell went haywire last winter, it just tastes sort of bitter to me), so it wouldn’t be my thing in the best of scenarios, but at this point, I’m just eating slowly and hoping that I’m not going to have a dumping episode right here at these fine people’s house. I did not. I got a bit hot and sweaty, but nothing other than that. I’m glad I didn’t push my luck with the ice cream. I was fine.
After we left, I was like “Woo hoo! I made it through being invited to someone’s house for dinner and I did OK! I ate like half of everything! I ate cake! I made it!!!!!!” I think I’ve just established myself as a person who doesn’t eat much or maybe a picky eater, which is fine. I guess that both of those things describe me now, so that’s probably a good thing. “Hi, I’m Jen, and I’m a picky eater who doesn’t eat much.” BUT, I’m a picky eater who doesn’t eat much who can go to dinner at someone’s house and not die!
I did my MFP food diary when I got home (gee, I’m so fun), and I only had about 1100 calories total for the day, even including the two glasses of wine and the cake. I guess there’s only so much damage you can do if you’re eating tiny quantities. Good to keep in mind while focusing on keeping the quantities of suboptimal things small.
I think this dinner was the signal to me that I need to experiment a bit more and figure out some more coping strategies for dealing with being served things that are less than ideal for my way of eating. Living the life of an expat in this part of the world means eating dinner at other people’s houses pretty frequently, as that’s a major portion of the social entertainment available. Since we’ve just arrived, I think there will be a good number of these kinds of things as people get to know us, and I’m hoping they all go as smoothly, despite my fears, as this one went.
I’m about 28 pounds from GW right now, so at some point in the foreseeable future, I’m going to have to learn how to maintain, which will require learning to deal with the normal everyday food challenges presented as I go through my life. Up to this point, I’ve been narrowly focused on eating *perfectly* and this has served me well, but my strategy will have to change a bit. In general in life, I find it much easier to be an “all or nothing” kind of person - I can do *perfect* perfectly, for a while, until I can’t. I have a hard time going back to something like *perfect* after falling off the wagon, or making periodic allowances that disrupt *perfect*. This is something I need to work on. The cake didn’t kill me. The maple syrup didn’t even kill me. Today I can eat whatever I like, which in this post-WLS iteration of my life means greek yogurt and protein shakes and cheese and shrimp, and I don’t have to feel bad or guilty or anything negative at all about what I ate last night. In fact, I can feel good about it. I was flexible and I ate both to sustain my health and to perform a social function, and both of those things are important in life.
And they liked us enough to invite us camping next weekend, so I guess we passed the test. I’ll make sure to bring some protein bars.
I knew once I signed a contract saying I'd keep my weight stable for this research study, I'd break that damn plateau. True to my word, I finally - FINALLY - fell below 300 pounds at last week's weigh in, and at Monday's weigh in, dropped another pound. No one at the study can tell me exactly what they consider to be stable - 5 pounds? 10 pounds? 5% of my body weight? - so I'll just keep chugging along. Even losing a couple pounds a week, I shouldn't lose more than 6 pounds before the pre-op phase of the study is over, so I'm focusing on the good - which is finally falling through that plateau!
I had the second visit for the research study today. I did indirect calorimetry - wearing a really tight face mask for 30 minutes to measure my calorie burning at rest - and a long form glucose tolerance test with blood draws every 15 to 30 minutes. They had an issue getting my sugar to come back up after I drank the sugar drink. My fasting was 85, and peaked at 146 about 30 minutes later, and then quickly returned to 85. Then 68. Then 60. Then 54. They called the doc, who said they could keep going as long as I didn't get symptomatic. I didn't feel shaky, just tired and headachey, which was more from lack of caffeine. Anyway, 3 hours later, my sugar was still at 62. Upside, they gave me a sandwich and orange juice before I could leave.I have my 3rd out of 4 "life after surgery" classes this week, and only 4 more of the "Living Well" classes left as well. I can't wait. The classes have been great and the people who have been with it the longest are like a mini family group to me now, but I'm so ready to move past it. I do think it'll be a great resource for the future, though, as they have similar classes for post-ops that need reinforcement or to get back on track or just to have motivation.Also, I went hiking this weekend. Have been getting bit by the "get outdoors" bug and started researching local hiking trails and parks and was blown away by how much there was to do. Went down to a park here that normally has bison out roaming. Naturally, there were none to see when I went down there, but I tromped around a couple short trails and then some wet prairie. Made a side trip to an excellent waterfall before I returned home. I can't wait to go try another trail at a different reserve this coming weekend!
I went to a different OA meeting this weekend and it was a completely different experience. The OA meeting I have attended a few times has been a very small group of just 4 people in total. I travelled to a different neighborhood Saturday to try out another group and it was HUGE! 40+ people! Slightly different format but I enjoyed it.
Other than introducing myself as a newcomer in the beginning of the meeting I chose not to share more about myself and that has been bothering me ever since. Perhaps because it was my first meeting this this huge group I was a little intimidated, but I'm NOT a shy person. I can talk to anybody and everybody, I just chose not to share and, in retrospect, I really should have.
I've gone to enough meetings now to feel comfortable with the program but I'm not sure where I fit in as a WLS patient and a Compulsive Overeater. I've been hesitant to bring up WLS because it can be such a polarizing subject. Everybody and their mother has an opinion about WLS whether they have had it themselves or not. Also, it hasn't been brought up by anyone else and hasn't fit in with any of the topics we've talked about in the groups. People have shared deeply personal stored about binge eating, seeking food for comfort, and all the usual traps of compulsive overeating. One of my issues I'm dealing with is NOT feeling hungry. How many eyes are going to roll when I say "I forget to eat." when everyone else is talking about eating constantly? But, we're all here to get help, right, so I shouldn't care what people think. Maybe there are others like me and I just don't know it. WLS it's part of me now and it directly affects my relationship with food and eating so I need to be open about my WLS or I may not get any benefit of going to these meetings if I continue to neglect the topic.
It's coming to the point where I need to look into finding an OA sponsor and it would be wonderful if I could find a sponsor who has also had WLS. I'm never going to find the right sponsor unless I put myself out there 100% and be honest.
I got good news yesterday. I called the doctor to see if I could go ahead and schedule for October. That is when my new insurance coverage begins. I have an appointment to see him October 5th! Three more weeks and the journey starts stepping into high gear!
Today is my birthday and I saved a very special treat to enjoy on this special day….
I ordered a sampler pack off of Groupon and have been trying out the flavors. They are not very dense, which is a nice change from the Premiere Protein ones I have. As a birthday present to myself I did my measurements and since surgery I have lost 28”. Folks that is 2 1/3 foot less of me in this world! Overall I am closing in on the 70lb loss and – even more exciting – soon to enter into two-town.
My next goal after cracking into 299 is the mythical 287. I have miscellaneous medical records that I went through in preparation for making my weight loss spreadsheet and was able to track weights all the way back to 2003, which also corresponded to my heaviest weight at 379. My lowest recorded weight for that entire time period was 287 and it was in 2012. So in at least 14 years I know I have not weighed less than 287.
From there, when I hit 270 it will be my 100lb loss celebration – which I have recently celebrated with Trish (huzzah @Trish1967) and will soon celebrate with Mark (you got this @Dtrain84!). It may be early to plan these milestones out so far in advance but I like having the mini-goals. 4.1 lbs to Two Town, 17 lbs until lowest weight and 34 lbs until the 100lb loss milestone. I’m a happy camper. I’ve been buying canned food for the food pantry to represent every pound lost and that pile makes me happy. I will probably donate the 100lbs and start again otherwise it’s going to take over my living room!
My celebration today is to drive up to the Poconos for a Japanese Lantern Festival. It’s something I have wanted to do for a while and the fact that this one fell on my birthday made it an obvious choice. We are supposed to have a gorgeous night for lighting the lanterns and letting them sail into the sky. You can write anything you want on the lanterns and a 66lb and 28” loss is certain something that I am exciting to send up. Those inches and pounds are gone and they aren’t welcome back.
I didn't lose weight in August.
I did a lot of other things, some of them productive and some of them pleasurable—and the month was a bit of a whirlwind—and I didn't lose weight. Right now, I'm sitting pretty much the exact amount of water I'm carrying because I'm carbed up (i.e. I've been eating enough carbs to keep my glycogen stores filled & thus retaining enough water to keep that glycogen soluble, which for me is about 5-6 pounds and a look of puffiness—higher scale weight, but stable mass) above where I was at the beginning of the month.
Now, I don't necessarily want to freak out about that. I feel pretty good about my body at this size, and the stuff that bugs me is post-weight-loss stuff, mostly—the skin stuff has gotten pretty real for me. My arms, my thighs, my stomach, my breasts—that's the stuff I struggle with.
I think physically I might be a little smaller than I was, but nothing major. The XLs I bought from the Gap were too big and the larges are right on point; I tried on clothes at J Crew and the 14s were roomy. I bought a one-size skirt from a boutique on West Broadway yesterday, the kind of store that doesn't even make an XL, and their stretchier larges fit just fine. I thought about a drapey blazer, but it just didn't feel like me—it's an adjustment, not just buying the thing that fits.
Anyway, it's time to decide what my approach is going to be for the rest of the year. My major priorities are twofold, and the first one is significantly more important than the second one:
1) I don't want to be a lifelong dieter—that was the whole point of surgery. I chose the VSG because it's the surgical option that's most like punching the reset button on your metabolism. Ghrelin production is a major part of the regulation of appetite, and removing the fundus of the stomach, where ghrelin is produced (and which is metabolically and endocrinologically central in other ways as well), suspends the metabolic freakout and defense reactions that would normally attend extremely low calorie intakes like those that happen after surgery. As metabolic function restabilizes, the body has the chance to reset a stable setpoint, is the hope. I want a stable setpoint. I want a weight that works for me that my body will defend as metabolic regulation reestablishes itself. I also want that weight to be sustainable for me without extraordinary measures. I do not want to be one of those people who's counting every calorie and striving for extremely low caloric intake ten years after surgery. I want to be able to settle into routines that maintain a stable weight without monitoring, or counting, or the more punitive kinds of self-denial. I want my eating life to be flexible, and pleasurable, and also sustainable and healthy. I do not want to be on a diet for the rest of my life. That does NOT mean that I won't need to keep an eye on things and check in, and keep best practices in mind. I committed to doing that when I signed on for surgery. But it DOES mean that if I can be 180 pounds and eat in a way that doesn't stress me out or 150 pounds only if I eat in a way that does, and sustain that way forever, I will choose the higher weight. Stability and sanity are, in combination, priority 1 for me.
2) That said, I have some vanity and lifestyle preferences. I would like to always be able to find my size in a straight-size store. I would like a little room for bounceback, should any occur. I don't have it right now. I'd like to have a low enough body fat percentage that plastics, if and when I go for them, can do as much for me as possible. I'd also like my cheeks to be a little less puffy, my cheekbones and jaw a little more defined. I've also thought about my powerlifting future. To be competitive, one wants to be at the top of a capped weight class, and that means either staying right where I am, or losing some more weight. The next class down caps at 158.5, so a walking-around weight of 155-160 would be a good place to land for that.
If the "window of opportunity" for weight loss after surgery—which is to say, the amount of time it takes your metabolic function to reestablish itself and a new defensible baseline of energy balance—is about 12-18 months, I've got about five months left. Putting in some effort in those five months to see if I can maximize the benefits of surgery would save me effort down the line, which is also a way I made the decision to have surgery. I decided that I was willing to devote some seriously intensive effort so as to reduce long-term effort. We're now in a place of slightly diminishing returns—that is, the difference between weighing 160 and 180 is a lot less significant than the difference between weighing 332 and 180, or even 200 and 180, frankly. So it's harder to get the energy up every day, especially when my life has changed and is changing in all these ways that make me want to run around and be a normal person and drink drinks and do whatever.
That said, the window is closing. And right now I'm feeling like it's worth a try to maximize that window. There are also other good circumstances for another push: the summer is ending, which means less orgiastic socializing, and the semester is starting, which means more routine. Plus, with the presence of a new person in my life, I foresee the necessity of fewer first-date drinks in my life! Not none, by the way—it's not exclusive, and it's also got some geographic distance—but definitely fewer. I'm looking forward to settling into something more routine for a few months. And so putting in some effort to see if I could lose another 20-25 pounds before the end of the calendar year seems worth it.
I'm going to try not to belabor myself with this. I'm going to remember priority 1. But I'm also okay with making some changes that would make the best use of my tools right now—cutting out Diet Coke again and making sure I'm pushing water, reintroducing protein shakes, skipping alcohol, and tightening up the ship a bit on food choices, especially carbs, all seem like sane principles for the next four months. Getting back on the scale daily seems to be working for me. I may go back to tracking in MFP.
I think there's some emotional ambivalence about being smaller than I am now, too, and that seems like an important thing to do some thinking around, but I can do that thinking while also putting in the pragmatic work. And the window is closing, so if I wait to decide, it may be too late to get the greatest possible benefit. So September-December are going to be a time of buckling back down after a loose, louche summer—not straightjacketing myself, just seeing what some reasonable effort can produce.
So I think that's the plan.
Hi everyone. Wow it's been a wild month, and I've kind of lost track of time and coming on here. So, a quick update on me, (Hopefully it's quick, we'll see!)
Two months ago, the house that I rented was sold. My old landlord told me two days after he sold it "So, I sold the place, take care!". We had lived there for almost 10 years. 10 years of life happened at that house. My son went from Kindergarten to 8th grade in that house, my youngest came home from the hospital to that house. Lots of memories. Well, the new landlord came by and served me with a new lease, and a "You have 60 days to get out" notice.
It is hard to find a place to live, especially when you have a zoo of pets and kids. It's hard to find a place you can afford. In fact, the stress of that was crazy. First, we tried to buy a house, and I paid off our credit cards in an attempt to boost our credit score. It worked, but not fast enough. It took almost a month of my 60 days for the credit to update and 30 days is not enough time to find a house that fits our needs, and close on it. I called the new landlord and begged him to stay, I even offered double our rent, and he was "Well, you are not the quality type of people I want living here, and I doubt you'd pass our application process". Wow. Just wow. Really, not the quality of people, I pay rent in advance, we don't party, we don't do drugs, not the type of people.
In a dark hour, I found myself at the local food bank, scouring through rentals, trying to find anything, anyone, anywhere we could go that would not put my kids out. I came across a newspaper (Yes they still exist), with a number on it, for a 3 bedroom house, with lots of storage and an option to rent to own. So, I called and left a message. About 30 minutes later I was called back, and a week later I signed a year lease for the new place, and with a bonus, we could keep all of our animals.
So, the past month has been moving houses, which is hard to do, and moving my mother in law in with us. As she was also evicted. It's been a heck of a process, that I find myself with little time to do anything else. I've had to change addresses for three kids in three different schools, in order to get my middle child on board with it, we had to do an inter-district transfer for her to remain at her current school. We now are paying for water, and sewer, and garbage. But I am not complaining, it's a house, it's a house that will feel like a home, and the location is great, I have no neighbors I have to worry about, literally, I am tucked away from a main road, with easy access but unless you were looking for my place you couldn't find it. I am thrilled.
But, that's not quite all that has been going on. First the negative. My sister in law, Michelle, passed away, two weeks ago, stage 4 breast cancer. She was my husbands favorite sister, and of course my mother in law is grieving from losing her daughter. It's hard to squabble about the petty things when something else happens that is devastating. The positive is that we were able to bring home another pet that was promised to my children if we ever had to move. His name is Marley, named after Michelle's favorite dog.
But again life is full of checks and balances. Outside of my personal life, my work life is happening. My manager had retired, which left an opening for his position. Out of three people, I was given it, however, yesterday news came down that his father passed away, which was his reason for retiring, so yay I was granted the position, but yay the position may not be available. Will have to wait and see which puts me in flux. It's difficult to be in flux, I am someone who likes to know what is going on. But, to balance that out, August 1st was a year from when I had my surgery done. This past year has been amazing, the ups and the downs. I am thankful for it all. For the negatives for showing me what I can get through and do, and the positives showing me what the rewards can be.
A year and a month ago, I was obese, depressed, frustrated. I had no sex drive, no drive really to do anything. I was tricking myself into thinking I was happy when I was not, and I made a change for the better. I took a plunge and I am so glad that I did. At my highest I was a little over 290lbs, As of this morning, I weigh 154lbs. I fit into size 8 in pants, and small in shirts.
My Progression :
Day before surgery -
Two months after surgery -
Four months after surgery -
6 months -
Seven months -
Nine months -
I am thrilled with how I look. I am so glad that I had my surgery done. I have excitement for a future in which I didn't even know could exist a few years ago. I am excited and happy for whatever lies my way. (Thanks for reading :D)
...shopping in your own closet could be so fun!
For at least three decades, when I purchased new clothes, they were usually the same size or more often they were increasingly bigger sizes. Sometimes I'd lose some weight and pull out a pair of smaller pants I'd recently retired, but then inevitably, back they'd go to their old resting spot with the other smaller clothes in the closet or basement.
So I, probably like many, have a wardrobe containing clothing in every letter, number or other embarrassing denotation (extra fluffy?) one can imagine. When I was pre-op, I asked my administrative assistant, the only person at work who knows about my WLS, to help me know if I was continuing to wear something that had gotten too big. It seems like it's really hard for people to evaluate themselves accurately about these kinds of things, so I wanted some help with this. And this week it happened. I came in wearing some PFBs (pants from before) and she said, "Oh no, I don't think so...those pants are making flapping noises when you walk!" Now this was both exciting and a little terrifying. I could only think of one other pair of PFBs that I was going to be able to wear to work (at this point, I'm not comfortable in skirts or dresses) and buying new pants, even for this exciting reason, is still my worst nightmare.
Before surgery, I had organized my clothing into piles labeled:
- Fit before surgery/Wear right after surgery
- Try a little while after surgery
- Try a little while after that
Then I also purchased some clothes online on clearance in a variety of sizes, maybe 6 shirts and a pair of stretchy capri exercise pants, sort of thinking that I'd be down a couple sizes by next summer. Yes, I know, it takes some people awhile...
So today I started by trying on those new shirts, the ones for next summer. They were a range of sizes, one size to three sizes below the size I've been wearing. They all fit, today, right now.
Then I tried on all my PFWBs (pants from way before). To my amazement, I now have five pairs of pants that fit, as well as some to donate and some for in a little while.
Next I tried on all the clothes I had slated to wear right after surgery. Hmmmm, shirts had become tunics and tunics had become dresses...and mostly not in a good way. Okay, time to reorganize and add to some of the aforementioned piles.
I started trying on the "Try a little while after surgery" and I found many more items that are working. Wow, I feel like I spent the day shopping and I didn't spend a dime! Not only that, it was some positive affirmation that this big effort, this daily grind of cottage cheese and calcium pills, is really working. Pretty soon I might even be able to say "when" I lose this weight instead of "if."
The last thing I tried on was the new stretchy capri exercise pants, 3 sizes below. I don't know why I tried them on; they clearly looked too small, but hey, it had already been a day of miracles and at least I'd have an idea of which pile to put them in for the future.
I'm wearing them right now.
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Hello everyone it's been a while since I've checked in but I am happy to report that progress is being made!!
I am currently down over 50 pounds - it might not be the fastest weight loss but I am still very happy with the progress. It is amazing the difference that just losing 50 pounds has made on my quality of life. It is so much easier to get around, I don't have to hold my breath when I bend over to tie my shoes, I have no issue buckling the seatbelt on airplanes anymore. The little things like that make a difference. My closet has over four different sizes in it so I was able to get rid of the top two sizes and am working towards getting rid of the third size so like I said, it's progress! My weight loss goes in spurts. I'll lose very rapidly for about a week and then it stalls for two weeks or three weeks so it's really hard to predict. I am experiencing increased hair loss so I am trying to do a better job of making sure I'm getting enough protein each day and taking my vitamins. Hopefully this will chill out and I won't lose much more. I have discovered a great product called X fusion which is colored hair fibers that you can sprinkle on and it really covers up any thinning areas - love the product! I have chosen to not openly share my surgery but I do openly share the high protein drinks and foods that I discover. Maybe if I am able to lose enough to be a true "success", I will be more comfortable sharing my full journey. At 238 lbs I still have a long way to go, but like the little engine that could, I think I can, I think I can....
I finished my 6 months supervised diet, as required by my insurance company, on the 25th of July, when I had my 6th telephone appointment with my surgeon, who is in CA. I was hoping to be whisked right into a surgery date, but it was not to be. I still did not have a clearance letter from my PCP, which was the last insurance requirement that I had yet to meet. As well, my surgeon still was not happy with the size of my liver, and wanted me to work on shrinking it some more, so she put me on liquids only at that point. 3 protein shakes a day.
In complete honesty, it did take me several days to get to being fully compliant on the liquids-only part.
Well, today was my appointment with the PCP. He did a pre-op examination and sent me home with the clearance document. I've just now scanned it in and emailed it to my insurance coordinator! Yay!
I have another appointment with the surgeon on the 16th, with a liver ultrasound a few days before. Hopefully my liver will be at an acceptable size and I can get this show moving along. The insurance coordinator already told me that Blue Cross is pretty quick about returning the approvals, so I'm hoping it will be done by the 16th. We shall see :-)
Long story short: WLS, weird medical stuff, compromise on goal weight, and suddenly losing weight again....HOPE LIVES!!!
Long-winded version: You know that feeling...the one that you get when you wake up and think, "I feel a couple pounds lighter today?" Then, as if you had suddenly discovered a poisonous ant colony in your briefs, you begin sprinting while shedding every layer of clothing....all the way to the scale. And....you were right!!
FINALLY!!! I had to force myself to stop the ensuing spastic happy dance long enough to work out and share my joy with you lovelies.
Why the question mark and shock??? I had given up on my original goal weight of 135. It wasn't because I thought I was getting too thin and it wasn't even because everyone on the planet wants me to "pump the breaks" at 150 lbs....
As some of you may know, I struggle with Mollaret's Meningitis, a sneaky form of viral meningitis that lives in you for a mean length of 20-ish years, having recurrent episodes of acute infection and a 50/50 chance of permanent neurological damage that can range from seizures to coma. Scary, right? Well, yes, it's painful and a scary, but it also comes with debilitating light sensitivity, unbearable migraines, and seemingly endless bouts of bedrest. (Because inflammation and aggravation extend my episodes...ugh) You can just imagine what bedrest can do to your weight....especially when it's coupled with medicine that affects my memory (me:Who ate all the bananas?!?!?!? Hubby:"You did, dear.") Now, add in the fact that they essentially have to use neuro medicine to shut down feeling to control pain (so I'm not on huge amounts of fentanyl...no thank you). The result of that is: I no longer know when I'm "full." Nice, right?
I had a major compromise process with my docs...I would begin limiting my exercise to no or low impact, and I would bend on my goal weight....agreeing to prioritize my brain health. I'm a math geek---brain function is pretty important in my life. So, I've agreed to allow them to use me as a guinea pig...using new studies to guide their preventative plans.
Because of this, I've been placed on some pretty severe preventative measures by my neurologist and infectious disease doctor. To limit stress and inflammation, I am complying with intermittent fasting (so my insulin only spikes once per day) and a ketogenic diet (to minimize brain damage).
ALL of these things have really played with my weight. But, I think I may have finally (6 months later) reached a point of homeostasis in my body.....
There may, indeed, be hope for my long term goal yet!!!!
I'm one of those people that weighs hardly ever. Its been a weird trigger for me in the past and I'd rather avoid that. So I am determined to only weigh myself at appointments and on the first of every month.
My total weight loss so far since the start of January is 46.5 pounds (or three stone). 23 of those have been since my surgery on the 11th of May. I have also lost 17.5 inches total from various parts of my body. All in all a pretty good result. I am just happy it is coming off. I still can't eat a lot so my portion sizes remain quite small. It means I am basically eating all protein to make sure I am getting enough in. But drinking all my water in has been no problem so far.
Had my first group appointment the other day and that was interesting. We talked a lot about nutrition and our medications and things like that. Pretty good stuff. Feeling very lucky and fortunate that my journey hasn't been as hard as some others, also a little guilty too. But I know its a different journey for everyone.
Today 5 years ago I had my bypass and it was the best choice I made. Were there ups and downs? Yes but I have no regrets. I was 300 lbs and now 180. I got as low as 150 which was a healthy weight but looked sickly on me. Where I am now, I am happy. I feel and look good. My high blood pressure is no longer an issue. And my fear of getting diabetes has been pushed aside. Tomorrow is my workout day and I am looking forward to going there and staying as fit as I can.
The best thing about getting a divorce was moving to this complex that has the nicest pool ever. I think my daughter and I have been every day since it opened. No kidding.
I was just thinking it is so nice to just swim and not feel self conscious about being over weight. And to not get winded or something when I'm playing with my daughter.
At the same time, the typical female brain of a woman living in this culture starts doing really annoying things. Like looking at other women's bodies and missing my curves, missing my larger size breasts, looking at women in bikinis with totally flat stomachs and realizing I will never have that. I just wish when I was young and thin I would have appreciated my body for one damn day!
Oh well I tell myself I need to love myself. I didn't have surgery to look good, I did it to feel good. And I need to love the fact that I made the right choice for me. This surgery was so life changing.
I live in an area where half the people at least are from other countries. And so there are many times I am literally the only white American at the pool, which is fine, that's how I like things to be, I've always tried to put myself into situations where there is a lot of diversity. One thing that really bothers me is that the women from some countries apparently aren't allowed to swim. But their husbands can. And I just feel like it's so unfair. I have seen everything from a woman wearing a sari, a woman wearing the full on hijab with the full body gown/dress thing sweating by the side of the pool, and then just women who apparently have to wear long pants and three quarter length sleeves at all times.
And I look at them, then look at their husbands, and I just feel like this is shitty. This is so shitty. And then I wonder what they think of me, not just me, I wear a suit that has swim shorts and a tank top type thing, it's more sporty than sexy. But then you see women with huge breasts with them just hanging out or suits with almost butt floss. And I wonder what these women are really thinking, are they feeling like we American women are slutty? Does it bother them that their husbands can see us but they have to sit there in the heat and just watch their families have fun? I do have to say the husbands don't seem to notice the American women, they feel very safe and like they aren't pervs or anything. I'm not trying to say that at all. Most of them are focused on their kids and it's cute to see.
Or who knows, maybe the moms are thinking about something else and it doesn't bother them or they are so devout that this is their religion and this is how it is, this is their role and they wouldn't want anyone to feel sorry for them.
I love swimming and if I couldn't swim because it was supposedly wrong for me to show my legs and arms in public, I would be so sad.
Hi I had my surgery on 4/4. I had complications - my esophagus was perforated during surgery resulting in a second surgery you the next day to have a stent inserted into my esophagus so it could heal and a third surgery 5 1/2 weeks later to have the stent removed. While the stent was in eating was a challenge and I threw up or heaved for weeks so I kinds missed the stages of purée and soft mostly i don't remember because of all the meds but lost almost 40 lbs. It was pretty miserable and I am still having some issues because of the perforation, that coupled with missing food I am weepy and feel sorry for myself way to much! I read how people are so glad to have had wls and it was the best decision and I hope to feel that way soon. I have gotten a little better with missing food but then I have a bad days with the health problems because of the surgery and it brings me down and I wonder what in the world I have done to myself. Since the stent was removed and I actually began eating I have lost about 7 lbs in a month. One problem I am having in particular is constipation! Yikes I think my body forgot how to poop! I am adding benefiber but I have to add a laxative at least every other night. Any advice on this particular issue would be appreciated! So that's my basic story, I have been reading forums and it does help but this is the first time I wrote about my journey.
I've never been great at managing a blog, but I plan to keep a short blog to reference days and details as I go through this journey. I attended a "Weight Loss Surgical Informational Session" hosted by Via Christi last night, which after my obsessive reaching lately, did help ease my nerves a bit. I have mixed emotions:
- Excitement - Ready to get the ball rolling, excited to see results
- Embarrassment - Haven't discussed this with anyone outside of my parents, who were the ones to bring it up to me, and my husband. I somewhat feel like I'm taking the "easy way out". Since I don't know anyone who's personally had this, I fear stigma of people gossiping behind my back about my weight loss.
- A mild amount of fear - What if I regret this? What if something goes wrong? Will I ever be able to eat my favorite foods again?
I'm not too worried about the procedure itself (leaning more towards the gastric sleeve at the moment), but moreso the healing process after and the whole post-op stage as a whole.
Weight: 249.6 lbs
BMI per CDC: 48.7
"For your height, a normal weight range would be from 95 to 128 pounds." It's been a good 10 years since I've seen that on the scale, so I have a long way to go.
8:00 a.m. - Pre-workout
9:30 a.m. - Protein shake made w/ 6oz of almond milk
9:45 a.m. - 2 scrambled eggs with cheese (est. 288 cal. per MyFitnessPal)
1:15 p.m. - Nutrisystem Chicken Parmesan (270 cal)
2:00 p.m. - 13 Apple Cinnamon rice crisps (120 cal)
4:30 p.m. - Sugar free lemon lime jello (10 cal)
8:00 p.m. - 4 oz teriyaki chicken / 0.5 cup jasmine rice
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I grew up in upstate NY, one of 3 children; an older sister and a younger brother. Yes I was the typical middle child; self-sufficient, lots of friends and all about going to school for the social side! I wasn't overweight as a child, kind of gangly and Tom boyish, playing in the woods behind my house! It was a good childhood, family camping, trips to zoos and parks and the occasional vacation to Wisconsin or North Carolina or Virginia to visit family members! Once I hit puberty my body started to change of course but I think I took the widening hips and larger breasts as somethin I needed to tame! That kind of set me up for failure & I spent way too much time obsessing over my changing body than it warranted. I spent my teenage years at a normal weight but I couldn't see that! I married when I was 18 (1 week past my 18th birthday) because I thought I was a grownup and had my 1st child at 19. By the time I was 27 I had 5 daughters and weighed somewhere south of 180 lbs....it wasn't a bad weight for me it was just not the weight I wanted to be! Then we moved to Florida for my husband's job...Florida is a place where you cannot hide your weight, too little clothing! I have spent the following 20 years going from 175 lbs to 245 or so pounds, up and down with much ease really....gained 20 lbs...try this weight watchers diet....gained by 45 lbs...let's try that herbalife diet.....gained 50 lbs.....let's try phentermine and vit. K shots!! And then we move to Tennessee two years ago....let me tell you I Love Tennessee! But we adopted our 5 year old grandaughter and I decided to stay at home after working for a dozen plus years in a fast paced (as in you ran for 12 hrs straight, no sit down breaks or anything remotely like a break) medical floor as an RN. I started baking our own bread (yum, yum!) And pies and goodies! And quickly ballooned up to 275 within a few months! It has progressively gotten harder and harder to keep up with my newest charge and I feel guilty because I'm not able to keep up with her. We went on vacation to NY by way of Gettysburg and I spent the majority of the time being out of breath or just sitting in the vehicle waiting for my husband and grandaughter to return from whatever sight I couldn't even get to! We went to breakfast to this overpriced cafe that I sat so gingerly in the chair I couldn't enjoy even a moment of that ridiculously over priced food because I was afraid the chair would break! We rented a rustic cabin for our stay in NY and it was beautiful there, I got to see my family but I ended up with a UTI because she says under her breath, it's hard to perform proper hygiene while in a rustic cabin (I know TMI!) I had already decided to try to have WLS before that vacation and it couldn't happen quick enough. I had gotten to the point of weighing in at 316 lbs, I'm diabetic, have hypothyroidism, osteoarthritis in my back, hips and knees, high blood pressure and needless to say mobility issues and constant pain. I want to be around to help guide my grandaughter to her adulthood. I want to be around to enjoy our retirement and enjoy my 10 grandchildren! I want to kayak and swim and slide downhill and just grow a garden and raise some chickens!!!!
I started this journey on August 30th, 2016 when I went to my first consultation at the Vanderbilt center for bariatric surgery and weight loss. I won't kid you the journey from August to finally having surgery on March 31st, 2017 was not easy, but was so worth it!!! Ten years ago I would have told you you were crazy to say I would have WLS, but now I am so grateful and happy that I have had WLS, it's given me hope for the future that I had lost!! Here's to a new me and here's to a new you!!!
I finally had my one week follow up appointment this morning! It felt so overdue!
My initial follow up appointment was scheduled for Tuesday, April 25, 2017 and I was so anxious for it. I wanted the doctor to give me the look over and tell me how I was doing for peace of mind. More than that, O felt ready to move and stretch a little beyond walking the 4-5 times a days around my apartment, but the staples kept me back.. I was so tender still around the incision sites that anytime I moved and felt something sting or pull, I sitting out for the count. But I know they were healing because of the itching. Itching is the universal constant for healing wounds and honestly it's the worst tease because you CAN'T scratch at them. Or also in my case: wear a bra, Because one of my incisions was right between my breasts and wearing a bra put pressure on the site and constantly rubbed at it. So for about two weeks I was free-boobing it. (An oddly freeing, but weird feeling without the support)
Unfortunately, my appointment was pushed back two days until this morning due to an emergency with the physician's assistant. This morning was the first time driving my car in almost two weeks and it did require a little ingenuity to bend in the places I needed to. But I got it all worked out and showed up this morning at the requested 15 minutes early to do the whole check-in and paperwork process, but afterwards ending up waiting almost an 1 hour and 40 minutes passed my appointment time. Just chilling in the waiting room watching Fixer Upper on Tv. I was a little annoyed that they were so far behind schedule, but I was more worried they would tell me we'd have to cancel and reschedule again. I needed the staples OUT! Thankfully it just turned out that he had been caught up in surgery and I headed back for my weigh-in and blood pressure.
It was a bit of a let down. At home I always weigh myself in the morning at the same time before I've eaten breakfast, after I've gone to the restroom, and without any clothes on. I want it to be as consistent and as accurate as possible to just weigh me. And from yesterday to this morning, for some reason that I'm guessing has to do with water weight (I haven't been the greatest at getting beyond 32 ounces yet when I should be at 50 ounces), I went up 1.7 pounds. Well dang. And then at the doctor's office, with the clothes on and everything, it was 3.7 pounds increase. Which sucks to see the numbers, but things are fitting differently and the shape of my body is changing and I'm just going to focus on the non-scale victories for a while. (but still weigh myself for the consistency) My blood pressure was 124/82 which is still in the pre-hypertension range, but it's a bonus in my book because I always free out when I go to the doctor's and the number is inflated from the anxiety. So if it's that high nervous, in chill-mode I'm gonna be in the normal ranges! And I know that as I continue to lose the weight and work on my cardio, the numbers will continue to drop all around.
And I was nervous to get the staples out despite how much I was excited for it. A hundred irrational fears ran through my mind as I sat in the room waiting, mainly thinking in circles about:
- Is this going to hurt?
- Are they going to give me a shot to take the staples out?
- Have the staples been in so long that the skin has started to grow over?
- What if I've been over doing it and I've ripped something?
- What if the staples rip something when they come out?
- What if my incisions are infected?
- What if I start bleeding again?
- What if the incisions haven't closed enough that I have to get new staples or stitches?
- What if I need to take more blood thinner injections?
- Is this going to really hurt?
I could not just settle down and let it go. But the nurse came in, and she was very friendly and all matter of fact about it. I think from start to finish, taking the staples out and putting on the new steri-strips took less than 5 minutes. She had me lay back on the standard examination table found in every doctor's office. I did get to sit propped up at an angle, so not completely flat and feeling vulnerable. I held up my shirt and bra out of the way so she could get to all the incision areas and she started before I even thought she had opened up all the supplies. There was a little bit of pain, but not from removing the staples themselves. On the incisions that had a little bit of dried blood around the staple site, I felt a slight tugging sensation to get the staple out. And depending on how much she had to tug, sometimes it's twinged the incision area. Honestly I caused myself more pain than needed because I tightened up during the procedure, so I overworked my stomach muscles and for about 40 minutes afterwards had some spasms and cramping along the main wound site. Just need to chill and go with the flow more.
But now that the staples are out, I am less afraid of sneezing too hard, or sitting down to fast, or stretching, or bending to the side. Driving was still an interesting endeavor after the appointment and will probably continue to be for a while, but I am cleared for full on walking now and I think that will do the most in helping to loosen up all the internal muscle stiffness. And is just in time too. Before my surgery was scheduled, I had signed up for the Warrior Dash 5k this Saturday, April 29, 2017. I know the obstacles are definitely beyond anything I'm ready for at this point, but I'm planning to push myself with the 3.1 miles. Here goes nothing.
Day 4 of the 5DPT: I woke up this morning and I was 207.2. This means I've lost 6.4 lbs in 3 days. I know the 5DPT isn't about losing weight (although it goes hand in hand with eating correctly), but it's always nice to see the scale go down. I will say that today has been the hardest so far - not because i'm hungry, but I didn't have a lot of time to do prep last night for "firm proteins", so I've been living off low-sodium lunch meat and chopped chicken breast IN chicken salad so it's more dense than chicken salad alone. At this rate, a turkey burger tonight sounds amazing.
So, I have to say - I'm not hungry. I'm not craving any carbs. I've been able to manage my 30-minute liquid cutoff before and after meals. And the 6.4 lbs has been just enough to see some of my clothes actually fit, which is always a motivator. For me, so far the 5DPT has been more of a mental reset than a physical reset, and I actually do feel like I have more confidence that my pouch still works, and that I can stick to the pouch rules and have success again. We'll see how day 5 goes, but dare I say I'm optimistic.
MORE MOTIVATION: Interesting fact recent posted on Science Daily: "Obesity resulted in as much as 47 percent more life-years lost than tobacco, and tobacco caused similar life-years lost as high blood pressure, new research has shown." https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/04/170422101614.htm
Well, the weekend has come and gone and progress has been made in several areas. Today I am 1 month, 2 weeks, 2 hours and 10 minutes smoke free (as of 10:30 AM). According to my app, I've been smoke free for 961.11 hours, I've saved $200.25 and I've not smoked 1,001 Pall Mall Light 100's (or 5 cartons-worth). I would reward myself with some type of treat, a movie, some electronics, etc., but unfortunately(?) my wife's budget has cannibalized the 'Cigarette Budget' and added it to the 'New Car Fund'. Fair enough. I'd just waste it on crap anyway.
This weekend was a very productive one, though it almost turned out to be a bust. Friday evening I let myself go and ate half of a large Pizza Hut pizza. Maybe you've been there before, and maybe you haven't, but it's a weird experience in retrospect. I had one slice of pizza, then another, then another and another. I went to bed with my stomach aching and feeling like a slob and a loser. I wasn't even that hungry. It just felt good to eat. I felt dejected and sad; worse than if I had smoked a cigarette, or even a pack of cigarettes. Saturday I couldn't do much of anything because we had family over, one of which who has had Bariatric Surgery recently. We ate pretty sensible on Saturday. One weird thing I tried that I hadn't tried before was a lettuce wrapped sandwich from Jimmy Johns. Everyone wanted Jimmy Johns for some reason. I just ended up pulling the lettuce off and eating the meet and cheese. The lettuce wrap did not work as intended, in my personal opinion. It was well done, but too much.
Sunday, I knew I had to atone. Luckily it was a very sunny day out, even though it was only in the mid-30's. I had to run to the office to take care of something I had forgotten about on Friday, and since my office is right on the Ohio River, I figured I'd go for a stroll, and considering I'm not under the constraints of work, I could stroll as long as I wanted. I sat my Samsung Fit2 for an hour's walk and set out fully intending to walk a lot more than that. And boy did I walk. I just kept walking and walking and did a circuit through three cities! I started in Covington, crossed over into Cincinnati, walked around the newly developed Smale Riverfront Park and passed my beloved Great American Ball Park, home of the Cincinnati Reds. I did some exploring then crossed a bridge over into Newport, KY and then walked back through to Covington, KY where I started. My results were as follows:
Time Spent Walking: 01:36:03 (stopped and started a lot to take pictures)
Distance: 4.04 mi
Total Calories Burned: 722 Cal (According to Samsung SHealth)
Average Speed: 3 MPH
Max Speed: 5.5 MPH (Damned techno)
Total Ascent: .59 mi
Avg. Heart Rate: 119 bpm
Max. Heart Rate: 146 bpm
I don't care too much for all of the 'Total Ascent' and some of the other measurements. I care most for the distance and the time spent. I know that it's a lot of up and down hill stuff, it's not all flat walking, and I know my average heart rate would be higher but I stopped a lot to take pictures (in the span of 90 minutes I took a total of 75 unique pictures, two movies, and 5 panoramic pictures for reference. Next time I walk I intend on doing so without the camera.
At any rate, Sunday I did well on my food log. I ate ~800 calories and burned about 722 according to Samsung. If you read this far, can you tell me if you think that is healthy? I know asking health questions to anyone outside of my doctor is frowned upon, but I'm curious and I feel okay, don't want to bug the physicians unless I'm really feeling funky.
Sorry, wanted to get this blog finished before I have to leave for my kid's doctor's appointment. She's 15 months old today, and I've got a feeling that it's immunization city for her. Pray that we have a nurse that doesn't drag the process out. Most nurses can give 3 or 4 jabs in the blink of an eye and I can distract her from them. The last one put about half a minute or more between each shot and poor baby girl did not appreciate that at all. Neither did mommy or daddy.
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I am reporting to the hospital tomorrow at 5:30am central time for my surgery that starts at 8am. Its been an interesting journey so far & I know that journey is only going to get more intense in the next 17 hours. I first saw the dietitian August 15, 2016, weighing in at 397lbs. Before I started my two week (2/21/2017) liquid diet, I was 355lbs. and now today, I am now 335lbs (62 lbs. lighter since August). That is a far cry (91Lbs. difference) from my highest recorded weight of 426lbs.in September 2014.
I want to say a big thank you to all the admins & those who have given me so much support and advice on here. Onto the next step of this journey,,,,,
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It's 2am, getting late, and I'm listening to a 90's play list presented to me by Apple Music on iTunes. It's adult pop of the 90's. I'm 36. In 1990 I was 9 or 10 depending on the month. So the nineties coincided with my tumultuous adolescence. I was just as crazy as any other teen but perhaps even crazier. That's a story I'll save for some other day. :-)
Right now lets focus on this woman I've become. I'm creative. I like to paint, bead necklaces, explore new and old music, and I daydream. I'm pretty and kind of smart. I never was married and have no kids but revel in my freedom and feel little more than gratefulness when I see my friends and with babies and children because I know my life is easier and my heart is already full.
My weight has become major eyesore and health issue. I'm almost 5-5 and I weigh 324 pounds which means that I basically need to lose 200 pounds. I do have a food addiction and it is somewhat out of control. If I'm not eating I'm reminiscing about food or plotting my next meal. I need to grow apart from this addiction because its killing me.
I just wonder if I can do it without surgery but the clock is ticking and I know that a diet and exercise will not make me lose as fast as having a sleeve gastrectomy. I can do both and lose like crazy. I can undo the harm I've done unto myself over the years in much less time if I subject myself to this. I just worry that I'll be one of this people who regret their decision at least in part. I feel like after the surgery, food and I will have a weird, awkward relationship and I won't know who I am anymore. lol. Food is a part of me like a lover I suppose. It's been a lifelong thing between food and I and I've lost many relationships in this life and losing my love and passion for food because I won't be able to take more than a few bites at a time sounds rather like a punishment I don't necessarily deserve. Or do I?
I AM one of those people. I am one of those people who binge-ate like it was a career and didn't care about the consequences. I refused to exercise most of the time. Maybe punishment IS what i deserve?
I'm planning on getting my surgery in January 2018 so i'll have time to test myself and if needed I can prepare myself for the surgery. I might not end up getting it if I can kick this problem without a sleeve.