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The No Scale Policy Has Really Paid Off :)

Posted by flamenca_star, 17 December 2011 · 149 views

just over 10 weeks post op gastric bypass now and staying off the scales has really helped me see my journey as more than a short term diet as well as given some fab surprises :)

i have had quite a few days of not great eating where a few biscuits have crept into my day and replaced a protein meal ...well at least it replaced the meal instead of being in addition to the meal! and yes i realised what i was doing...sabotaging myself...so i had a huge blow out of ice cream followed by diarrhoea, followed by a journalling session. i wrote down all my thoughts and negative feelings etc and finally realised that i have an eating disorder. now i realise some people will be reading this and thinking ....... but thinking something and truely understanding and accepting it is very different. once i did that i felt 'free'. so i continued making mostly good choices ....which after the diarrhoea wasnt hard lol.

then today i was unpacking a suitcase of small clothes and tried on a size uk 16 dress that still had a tag on that i hadnt been able to fit into at the time i bought it a year ago....and it fit! wow!

so then i decided to try on my size 14 jeans that i bought by accident in my first year of university in 2002....i just wanted to see how much more i had to go before they fit....and holy crap they fitted! like a glove!!!!!!! i was on such a high, i finally realised that the process of wls works if you just follow the rules even 90% of the time. i dont know what i weigh exactly but i do know what i more or less weighed when i bought the jeans. but i dont have a scale number to obsess about so i dont feel the need to sabotage myself ...i just look fantastic in these awsome jeans and feel crazy sexy and feel like i lost 8 years instead of 2 jeans sizes :)

and then i had a reality check moment....having jumped up and down and looked at myself in the mirror a million times(no jokes) i realised that with a man who loves me regardless of how i look(we are engaged and he met me before having wls)...it doesnt mean anything other than i feel better about myself in my own skin....what a funny world this is. in the last 8 years my weight has affected the way i feel about myself, my past, my present and my future. i thought that being slim would mean being liked more, being more fun, that sexy and attractive were the most important things to be....the reality is that when you love and are loved in return ...thats the best there is....and everything else like feeling sexy and attractive are just a bonus gift i give to him and make me less inhibited so i share myself more and am a freer spirit willing to enjoy life. i am just truer to myself.

i know full well i will continue to have bouts of depression, as the highs are usually followed by lows and im not stupid or optimistic enough to think that this epiphany has cured me of all my demons ...but i am seeking counselling to ensure i dont turn this eating disorder into a different one.

i really believe that my weight is a symptomn of my problems not the cause and to succeed long term i need to deal with all the causes, and i thnk therapt/counselling will play an important part in this :)

i hope that this somehow helps even one other person with their own journey x