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stakeda · 10-22-2004, 06:58 PM

So, I went and saw my therapist this morning. We really got down to the nitty gritty today. After speaking with my siblings, many memories have begun to fly through my head.

Okay ya'll, if you don't want to hear graphic truth, just click off now. Because I'm going to tell you all the truth about some of my past that I have been in denial about.

I was very little. Maybe between five and ten years old. I remember laying on a couch. Actually, I remember being forced to lay on a couch. I was crying. I remember a lady and a man holding a paddle or a belt, threatening to spank me. I remember that it's Joe & Jean, long term family friends of my parents. I remember where everything sat. The T.V., the sofa, the dining room table, the plants, etc. I almost remember the smell in their house. I don't know if I was being forced to take a nap. Or, if it was something MUCH worse! So, I called my mom and reminded her of a story she told me. She had told me that "Joe" had been molesting his daughter since she was twelve years old!

"Oh", but my mom said, "you don't understand.....Cathy liked it. She was all over Joe. You should have seen how she would climb up into his lap. It was disgusting!". WHAT?????? What the Hell are you talking about MOM? How could you blame an innocent child? My God! WTF? So MOM, if he molested his own daughter, what makes you think he wouldn't molest me?????? Oh my GOD....was I molested?

I don't know what to think. My therapist feels that it's funny that I don't remember very much from my childhood, but I remember these incidents vividly. I'm confused. And I can't cry. I don't know why. Put a "Lifetime" movie in front of me and I'll cry my eyes out. But talk about this kind of stuff and I don't shead a tear? WHY??????