I can't even hold back the tears. You all are as wonderful and caring as I thought. What a relief to know that others understand what I am going through. Unfortunately, I am not surrounded by anyone who can truly understand what I am going through, so I really don't bother to try and explain. God always answers prayers. I thank Him for all of you. I tossed and turned all night finally falling asleep around 5:00 am, going through realities in my head.
The two that were on my mind the most was I could be the next one to not get off the table. When thinking about getting my house in order before surgery, it wasn't to come home to a nice clean house, it was to prepare everything in case I don't return. That was very scarey. I have a husband and 3 children 10,3, and 1 and the thought of leaving them without a mother was devastating to me.
The next thought was I never realized the depth of my relationship with food. Usually, when I went off a diet, I would say to myself, I like food and I'm not going to eat like this the rest of my life. Last night I realized that this IS for the rest of my life. I won't go on and on. I am stronger now because of prayer and all of you. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I'm getting everything in order (paper work) starting today. I've come to the conclusion that when it's my time to go, I won't be able to do anything to stop it. It's all in God's hands and I trust Him with everything.
While I don't get into fortune telling and things of the sort, I thought is was quite interesting that my little one was eating some fortune cookies and I read the inserts to them. One said "Many successes will accompany you this year." and the other said "If you feel you are right, stand firmly by your convictions." I'll take that!
Peace & Blessings
Mary