Okay, so I've been wondering about this and that other thread about friendships got me thinking so I'm gonna try to put it into words
At first I was pretty secretive about my surgery. I had one close friend that new it was coming ahead of time, and I told my other closest friends, the ones I see every day, about the surgery right before I had it, because I knew there was no way I could NOT tell them, since I'd disappear for a few days. That's pretty much how it stayed for a little while, but I just went home for the first time since august, so the change in me was pretty dramatic (I had my surgery in july), and so I ended up telling most of the rest of my friends about it. There are still people (especially in my family) that don't know HOW i've lost the weight, but now most of my friends know about it at least to some extent.
Everyone told me how good I look and all that, and they've all been super supportive, no one has really had a negative idea of it, and now that they see I'm more normal with my food (they thought I'd be eating like a freak forever) and that I'm looking better and obviously feeling better, I think they believe it's a healthy choice for me.
The funny thing is, some people that I didn't expect to say much about it at all have talked MORE about it, and been super supportive, while others that are around more often haven't brought it up much. My closest friend talks about it to me all the time--he's interested in the medical aspects a lot-- and the others ask random questions and worry about me a little bit but sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be talking about it. Like I shouldn't really talk about the changes I'm going through, and I hate that. I didn't think I'd want to talk about it much, but I need to talk to someone about it who knows me before and sees me now and helps me keep a hold on who I am, because I don't want this to change me in a negative way. Mostly I am in wonder of the things that change, and I want someone to help me figure out how to deal with them. When people treat me differently than they used to, that's something big that I need to discuss, you know? Things like that, especially now that I'm suddenly met with this new aspect of my old boys-that-are-friends suddenly seeing me as a girl-who-could-potentially-be-more-than-a-friend (that's throwing me for a loop---it's nice, but at the same time sort of a slap in the face, you know?) these are things that baffle me and confuse me and I need them discussed, but I feel like everyone will think I'm gloating, or that I'm obsessing or something. It's just all so new, it's hard to not talk about it--it's very much in my everyday thoughts, so it's hard to help.
AND this is a side rant (a rant within a rant, if you will) but I don't know about you guys, but I've never had many options in where I bought my clothes. If I wanted youngish looking clothes, it was pretty much Lane Bryant (which i have ALWAYS HATED) or Torrid (which is too... something... for me) and I wore a lot of jeans and guy's style t-shirts, because that's what fit me. Now, I still wear that, albeit smaller guy's shirts, but still, because that's what I'm comfortable with (and i'm having a hard time fitting into girls' shirts. the pants are fine, but my top won't shrink. XL girls' clothes are SO FREAKING SMALL in mall type stores!) but at the same time there is the part of me that has always wanted to wear fashionable stuff, and be a little trendy. I still like being comfortable, but I want to wear cuter, girlier stuff that I couldn't have before. I want to shop in stores like express and american eagle and pacsun and what not, and be able to wear whatever catches my eye. BUT the one feedback I get from my friends that is negative is that they're afraid I'm going to turn into this entirely other person. Like if I wear nicer clothes I will suddenly be some dumb biatch like the kind we've always hated.
That scares me, because I mean, I'm afraid of changing. I'm afraid that as more opportunities open to me I will change in different ways I couldn't before, and I know my friends are a little wary of that too, just because it will inevitably be different--it already is, they already commented about how I'm more confident and what not, and it's true. BUT.... I'm just finally getting to wear clothes that I always would've worn, I just never could. That taste in clothes isn't different, it just seems like it is because I was forced into boringness for most of forever. I'm irked that something like that even occurs to people, but I guess it's pretty obvious when the way I look AND the way I dress change, but that goes hand in hand...
I have no real questions or anything, this has been a long rant, I guess to see if other people have things like this. Do you feel like you shouldn't talk about your surgery, like, do you feel like people think you're just calling attention to yourself? I'm so afraid people think I am going to get a big head or something and it's so not like that, if anything i'm just as self conscious because I know people are taking note of all the differences... ahhhh I don't know, sorry that was sooooo long