Well Turkey day was nice. We all went to my parents new house, that is still unfurnished, and ate at card tabels and folding chairs. It was nice, the kids had lots of room to play and the community they live in has a fish pond where you can feed the fish. My paretns took the kids for a walk and I layed down for about an hour. My husband showed up after work arond 4:30 and we started cooking all over again for him......ok not cooking but reheating. Then we hung out some more, I looked at the sale fliers and specials and gabbed with my Mom and the kids and DH (darling husband) watched cartoons. It was relaxing.
I read and added to the "How bad were you?" thread and here is what I posted and it shows how much I was able to eat.
My pouch must be the size of a grapefruit! We had dinner around 1pm. I had 1/2 a baby carrot cooked, 4-5 cut string beans, 1 tbsp butternut squash, 2 tbsp potatoes, 1 tbsp stuffing (both with a little gravy) and a couple of bites of turkey. Then around 4 I started grazing (as in I didn't make a plate but not a in it lasted for hours or more) the leftovers: a bite or 2 of squash and potatoes but mostly focusing on turkey dipped in gravy.....we had 2 turkeys and the first was very dry so I picked some moister meat off the second one. Then at about 7pm I had 2 tbsp of SF pumpkin pie filling and a mouth full of FF whipped cream. My mom keeps telling me that I hardly ate anything compared to my 2 year old and compared to myself last year I ate NOTHING but I feel compared to some of the others on here that I ate way more than I should have and without feeling a twinge of pain and no sign of dumping. I think I'll take my Mom's advice and stop comparing and start working my own life but as much as I hear you can't NOT loose I still feel like I will be the 1st one!
Just looking at that makes me disgusted with myself on one hand and proud on the other. I see some of the people ate next to nothing, leading me to feel bad about the amount I ate.....but eating that little will lead me to anorexia very quickly-I know from experience. Then the fact that I was satisfied with the amount I ate and not "needing" to eat tons more to feel good makes me happy and shows me the power of the tool.
I am not struggling with being sick or knowing when to stop or what to eat I am really struggling with what my head is telling me. I feel like I will never be doing "good enough" for myself. Go figure?
__________________
 QueenB
260/245/160/143
highest/suregery/goal/current
|