JWheeler

The Effect Obesity Has Had On My Life:
To describe the effect obesity has had on my life is hard to explain because I’ve not ever experienced life as a normal-weight person. I was born overweight. In 1970, I weighed in at a hefty 8 pounds, 6 ounce. I’ve always led the crowd in clothing – as a newborn, I was in 3-6 months; when my peers were in “youth,” I was in “juniors.” When my friends were in “juniors,” I was in “Misses;” and when they finally reached “Misses,” I was well into “Women’s.”
I ran track in grade school, played volleyball and softball in junior high and high school, but my activity level and lack of food had no effect on my weight. Every year I was told at my annual sports physical, “You’re cleared for sports, but here’s a 1200 calorie diet for you to follow because you’re overweight.”
I started taking diet aids and engaging in excessive workouts as early as 14, struggling to drop my weight below 175. My daily high school activity in addition to 2-hour aerobic workouts and 16-mile daily bike rides did nothing to help me lose weight. I had reached a point of such desperation with weight loss in high school that I sought out amphetamines, but by the grace of God, the “sources” never panned out. However, over the course of the last 18 years, diet aids, medical prescriptions, and exercise have done nothing but guided me through the diet rollercoaster – up and down, up and down. I’ve paid for programs such as Nutri-System, Weight Watchers, TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly); taken Xenadrin, Metabolife, and other herbal remedies; been prescribed Xenical and Fen-Phen; tried “The Cabbage Diet,” “The Zone Diet,” “Carbohydrates Addict,” Slim Fast; and then of course, there’s been the consistent gym memberships and Jazzercize. At one point, with the assistance of “The Cabbage Diet,” Slim Fast, and 4-mile walks twice a day, I actually dropped below the 200 mark! I was so excited!! But that didn’t last long. As soon as I added a regular healthy diet back into my food plan, the weight came back.
Along with dealing with my own feelings of failure, I’ve had to endure family questions such as, “With all this non-fat food you eat, why are you still fat?”; “What exactly do you do at the gym? Because whatever it is, it’s not working”; “You’re still hungry?”; “Are you sure you want to eat that?” Of course, all these questions are prefaced with, “we just hate to see you so unhappy” or “we just want you to think about what you’re doing to yourself.”
Now that I live two states away from my family, I dread the “family visits.” I dread the disappointment on their face when I walk off the plane and they see that I’ve not lost weight or that I’ve gained a few more pounds. I worry that they’re embarrassed to be seen with me.
I’d like to think that the lack of intimacy in my life is the result of my busy schedule, but I know that it’s not. I am 32 years old and have never had a boyfriend, or even been out on a date for that matter. I didn’t even get asked to any of my school dances. I have male friends, but I’ve never been able to cross over to “girlfriend.” I recognize that relationships are more complicated than a weight issue, but I strongly believe that my weight has greatly influenced my personal confidence with the opposite sex. If I wouldn’t want to be seen with me, then who else would?
I also think my weight has caused me to overcompensate with my personality and professional life. I use humor and generosity to distract from my weighty self. And while I’d really like to think that I’ve pursued my law degree for professional growth, I suspect it’s been another way for me to cope with my weight, hoping that money, intelligence, and a charming personality will blind society to my fat. But as I prepare for a highly competitive legal interviewing process, I worry that my intelligence and charming personality won’t distract from my weighty presence – that my weighty presence will distract from my qualities making it easier to be dismissed as a serious candidate for the image-conscious legal community.

Goals to be achieved from a medical and social point of view:
First and foremost, I want to be healthy. I want to live a long and healthy life. I would like to experience life as a thin person – to experience what it is like to be desired by a man – to actually believe that marriage and children may be in my future.
Secondly, I’d like to be comfortable when I’m working out at the gym. I’d like to feel like I can go to the gym whenever I feel like it, rather than arranging my workout schedule to avoid the masses of the physically fit. I’d like to be happy to see my family and friends, and not have to fret about pictures being taken of me and whether I positioned my face and body so as to get the least of myself pictured. I’d like to purchase clothes from a regular rack, and to actually be able to shop with my thin friends at the same store. I’d like never to have to dread sitting on a crowded flight, or being seated at a booth in a restaurant, or sitting on a plastic chair.

Concerns/Fears about the surgery:
“The grass is always greener on the other side” syndrome … My biggest concern/fear has been that something unwanted will happen either as I’m losing weight or when I’ve lost it that will cause me to retreat back into my protective weighty shell. I’d like to think that I’m strong enough and want to be thin badly enough to resist an urge such as this, but having never been thin, I’m just not sure what quite to expect. At times I feel as though I’m making a deal with the devil. I’ve heard people say, “nothing tastes as good as thin feels.” I’m not going to let this concern keep me from seeking this surgery, but it is an awareness I have and will continue to seek out things besides food to help me deal with whatever “unwanted” event comes my way.

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--Jeannette
10/14/03
Start: 256
Goal: 137