I too feel like the whole world is watching me pass or fail. I just got out of the hospital for 4 days with pancreitus (sp) and I gain 16lbs in 4 days because of the stupid IV solution. I was depressed when I left the hospital because of my weight gain. I was even on a total liquid diet for most of my hospital stay. I was bummed when I couldn't were the same pants that wore into the ER. I got out of the hospital on Monday night at 8:30pm and since them I have lost 11 of the 16lbs. But is just hated having to wear my big pants again. I am glad that I saved one pair by acident. I have them on right now. I still have 5lbs to lose to get were I was pre hospital.
I feel as though all of my church is watching me to see how I do. I know every one if Celebrate Recovery is watching. Some on those people rejected my desire to have the surgery in the first place. They felt I was not fat enough to have the surgery. I guess 120lbs over weight was not enough for them. This comment came from someone who had the surgery 2 years ago and has failed. She does not keep herself accountable with support groups on line or in person. But still I know all eyes are one me. CR people total about 75 and the church people adds about 1,000 more eyes on me. I did not do this for them. As I know Robin you are not doing this for any one else for you and your kids. So keep your eyes on the goal and not on the road that gets you there. Don't let anything that anyone says to you make you feel like you can't do this. You and I both know that God has called you to this moment in time. And only God and You can work this out. Everyone else's opinion does not matter.
I love so much my sweet friend and sister. I know that you will do this just as God has planned. My prayers are with and more importantly God is with you on this road. It is a journey and the destination is freedom for MO. I know you have what it takes to make it to your goal.
I love you and I will there if you need me.
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Barbara Johanning
01-14-05, Potts Open
5'4" 247/157/140 -90
BMI 43.7/now 26.9
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