Your questions about men...
Well, I became single (ended engagement) 2 weeks before my surgery. I'm now almost 10 full months out from surgery, and I can tell you that a lot of things have changed for the better, but I'm nowhere near being what I had envisioned in my mind - as far as emotions go, and the way I see myself.
We do think that losing weight will solve all of our insecurities. Well, while losing the weight does lend to becoming more confident, we still have old habits of thinking that are very much a part of who we are...they're not necessarily tied to our looks, but they may have gotten their start with the way we once looked. Now, they're deep-rooted beliefs about ourselves...far beyond how much weight we lose. It's a struggle to first of all recognize some of the beliefs we've held, but as the weight comes off, I think it becomes a little more apparent just what we thought of ourselves, and just what we actually want to change about the way we think of ourselves in our new bodies. It's a daily struggle to overcome our old beliefs. I know that the voice inside my head does now a lot of time think good thoughts, but when it comes to meeting men, I'm right back where I always was. It's just that now that I have dated a few men, and they are different than the men I used to meet (they're not overweight, they take care of themselves...they're more attractive and I actually do feel like they are more attainable), I can say that I do feel more like I'm not going to settle for some guy unless he has more of the qualities that I want. I've settled my whole life...a big reason being because I felt unattractive, therefor less worthy of what I truly wanted from a partner. Now, this may be due to age and my relationship experiences and what I've learned from them, but I'm not going to settle anymore.
I don't know what to say about feeling resentful that the guys weren't interested in you before surgery are suddenly interested after surgery. That has not been my experience. Mainly because I know very few single men, and the ones who are single are my friends...of course they think I'm more attractive, but they don't want to date me now just because I lost weight (mainly because we have more like brother/sister friendships...we just don't see each other that way).
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