Let's start at the very beginning
So this is the beginning of my journey. I have a lot to say and I’m not sure if anyone is even listening, or remotely interested in listening, but here it is anyway.
I have been fat for as long as I can remember. I had two older cousins growing up and I can remember not being able to wear their hand-me-downs because I was too chubby. I was the first person in 4th grade to weigh more than 100 pounds. It wasn’t until high school that I was really fat, though. I crossed from overweight to morbidly obese in about two years.
In the past 15-20 years, I have lost and gained more than 100 pounds. As soon as I lose it, I find it again. In the two years before I got married, I was at my lowest adult weight of 245-250. I’ve gained a lot of weight since I’ve been married, about 15 pounds a year (I’ve been married for 3 years now, so that’s right, I’m hovering between 299 and 308).
When my sister-in-law entered treatment for alcoholism, I began to realize how much of a problem I have with food. Emotional eating had become a way of life for me, my coping mechanism, my reliable friend, constant companion, and sneaky enemy. I decided to see an eating disorders counselor to help me address these issues. I am so glad that I did that first. I know now that I’ve worked out a lot of my “issues” and without having done this, I think, even with surgery, I would have continued to meet with certain failures.
Now I’ve decided to have WLS. At first, I had my heart set on the lap band. I did a ton of research and reading and decided it was right for me. I had three main reasons for this: my father had intestinal bypass in 1976 (a dangerous surgery that most people have since had reversed) and his quality of life is much diminished for it; I like the idea of losing weight slowly because in my head, this helps prevent loose skin (a lot of bandsters have informed me I have this wrong); and I like that it’s adjustable – this is a flaw in my reasoning because in the back of my mind, if I gained weight after being banded, I could just get a fill and be on my way, so I think I was sort of trying to let myself off the hook for actually making a long-term lifestyle change (king of bad ideas, I know). I had my first consultation with the surgeon on 9.14 and he really encouraged the bypass option for me due to the amount of weight I need to lose, the long-term success of the bypass over the band, and the ongoing maintenance of the band. He told me that my fears about the bypass based on my dad’s experience were biased and just wrong. I think I secretly wanted the bypass all along, and the doctor’s words were just the confirmation I needed.
Here I am now, at the beginning of the surgery process. One visit down, two pysch visits, two nutritionist visits, and another surgery consult to go before they even submit anything to my insurance company. I looked into surgery about 5 years ago and got scared. I wasn’t ready then, but I am now. I’m still a little scared, but I feel ready now.
My (skinny) husband is wonderfully supportive and didn’t bat an eye when he found out that I weigh 300 pounds! Sometimes his support is really hard for me to accept, but he never backs down. I am blessed.
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Lap RNY - 1/19/10
highest - 345ish
start - 311
day of surgery - 288
current - 263
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