"I want to have a huge BBQ swimming party next summer with my husbands co-workers and their families! Because at this weight I am ashamed to meet his new co-workers...but someday that will all change and we are having a PARTY!"
You should never be ashamed of yourself. What counts the most is what is inside. I DO understand however because I weigh about the same as you, but I've learned that hating myself doesn't help and only hurts me more. Good luck in your surgery and with your son.
__________________
Martee
Still thinking about it... 
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