reading your post made me a little emothional hun. Thank you for being so honest about how you have felt and how u feel now.
I have felt many of the things you have. I have lost some friends that were literally my everyday life. My life was evolved around them and when that changed and i started to think of me a little bit i was shocked at how much i was on my own.
I have realised that things hurt...Things that wouldnt have affected me before. When my mum and dad are ill it hurts now. i feel helpless, whereas, before i just got on with it. Head down and ploughed on through it all.
Ive realised that i am emotionally dettached in other situations.... I have the most amazing fiance. I could ask for anyone better and he truely adores me. He loved me when i was fat and he still loves me now and he is my perfect man. I get excited when i know i will see him, i dread when he leaves and i love him so much that it scares the life out of me but i just cant explain it to him. He is amazing and the best thing is he doesnt have to fake anything..he is amazing when he is just being himself.
I have NEVER felt that i was in the right place before and right now i do. I am exactly who i want to be, doing what i want to do and i have exactly who i want by the side of me but why do i find it so hard to just show him?!!!???
I also wont take no BS. None of that pretending that things are ok when they clearly arent and the other person knows damn well that things arent ok either. 'i dont mind'---->go home and cry to myself.....now its 'I do mind' and its not good enough----->they can go home and think about what THEY have done instead! if that doesnt work then im afraid nor does the friendship. It all works both ways. I will do what i can to protect, help out and love my friends but when the street turns one way then things have to change.
Its amazing what losing weight does to a person. Its amazing how numb all the extra pounds make us but do you know what is truely amazing hun?....Gwrenchgal.....u are!
