Let's just say tonight that I don't like myself very much. I wish it were easier to apply the lessons I've learned but no, I rationalize and rationalize until I convince myself I'm doing the right thing...for now. I don't feel like getting into the details, but I'm seriously just not happy. I need some sort of revelation or some sort of help. I guess I will just have to go back to my therapist (who I thought I just said "see ya if I need ya" to just a week or so ago). I can't stand myself sometimes. It's so hard when you think you're this new person and that you can do things differently and get different results, yet I'm still getting the same results, I'm just 64 lbs lighter. I always feel like I'm on top of the world and nothing can go wrong, but then it does and I'm right back to where I was before surgery...down on myself, depressed, and feeling like an unlovable loser. Well, I guess I was due for a good cry.
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