Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygrl684
i'm not looking for pity or anything.. i think i kinda need to just get this off my chest.
So, as you all know my sister has been sick from post-op WLS complications. Multiple surgeries, pain, picc lines, not being able to disgest anything.. etc etc. Well in some of my posts I care, and in some i'm very blah about her.
Since the age of 13, my sister has been absolute HELL. Running away, being arrested(multiple times), sent to juvi, sent to a group home, sent to something called Carrier clinic (in nj), moved to my dads, has never held a job down for more than a week if that, moved out to her bfs, bf broke up, she moved home, moved with her friend to an apt (which my mom paid/pays) for, ruined her car, got a new car from mom, got dui, mom paid for lawyers/tickets/etc. She's now smoking a pack a day and smoking weed.
Basically my mom has dropped her entire life for this girl who is on a downward spiral. I dont know if shes addicted to the drugs or what, but on fri night at 2 am she went into this screaming psychotic episode about this bug in the bathroom and pushed herself into my room and tried to kill me. Mom actually jusitfies it. It blows my mind. Today is what threw me over the edge. They aparently went to the doctor and they told her that they dont know if she will ever get better. My mom proceeds to tell me "you're heartless, you dont know what it's like to have someone tell u that about ur kid, your sis just got an eviction notice"... So she was like can you watch the pup, while we foodshop, i said... oh thanks, no food for me? jokingly.. shes like ' ARE YOU DYING? NO I DONT THNK SO"
So they came home, my sister was on another episode of psychoticness, and I was yelling back.. mom hit me and i was like THAT IS IT, IVE HAD IT YOU ARE AN ENABLER AND IT NEEDS TO STOP. YOU HAVE 2 KIDS, DO YOU FAIL TO REMEMBER THAT FOR THE PAST 10 YRS?
I don't know what else to do.. Really I am at a point of no return. It kills me to go through this.. My own mother basically is like "fck off" and just throwing away everything she works for.. for this kid. I don't know what I can handle. I continue to job hunt, but i will not move in with my bf (we arent ready for that), but right now im unemployed and just.. I dont think I can move into the new place with mom when we make the move. I don't know what way to turn, im not sleeping.. i have horrible pains in my stomach, im sick to my stomach. Honestly i'm not a bad kid at all. I may be a bitch on here at times, but I am trying to change. I just feel so alone within my own family, it kills me.
I dont know how many of you even made it this far, but thanks for listening. I'm just at a loss right now more than anything.
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Kelly,
I am sorry to hear you're stuck in such a toxic situation. I'm going to say a few things that you may not like or want to hear but please understand this is coming from a place of compassion and from personal experience.
You have the right to feel safe in your own home and I don't get the impression that you do, I certainly wouldn't. What your mother and sister have done to you is assault and battery. I understand that you may not want to report it due to your circumstances and them being family.
You deserve better treatment, unfortunately your mother doesn't sound capable of giving it to you and frankly, it sounds like your sister needs some serious psychiatric help.
If I were you, I would at least give some serious consideration to a temporary move with your boyfriend so you can be safe. I understand that you feel it isn't an option yet but your wellfare is at risk here. You say you're sick and not sleeping, your mother and sister are both abusive toward you in one way or another, this is not healthy. You have to take care of yourself and getting out of a toxic situation is part of doing that. I can tell that you feel very stuck, I understand, but it's imperative that you focus on solving your problem so you can feel better and focus on being healthy, not just physically either but mentally and emotionally too.
My mother was horrible as I was growing up, she was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive to both me and my sister but she went easier on my sister because my sister was her favorite. About a year or so ago, after a lifetime of trying to earn my mother's love and respect I realized that she wasn't going to change. She's a toxic person and as an adult I get to choose what type of people are allowed into my life. I haven't spoken to my mother in well over six months and I can't tell you how relieved I feel. I don't feel like there's a dark cloud hanging over me anymore. I don't have a drama storm in my life anymore and it feels great.
I wish I had an easy solution for you. I honestly wish you all the best and much luck in your job search.
Take care of you.