Vicki & Suzanne- thank you so much for the comforting words!
It definitely means a lot to know there are other women who relate to what I've been through. And to also get affirmation that this really is the right thing to do for myself!
I've stopped the "last meals" for now. I am starting my liquid diet and not too thrilled about it, but I am determined to lose some weight before surgery. I just finished filling out my official consent forms, and I have to admit all the possible complications scare the willies out of me!! I know they are super uncommon and not very likely and I am just being warned about the possibility for legal reasons, etc, etc, etc but it does scare me. I found myself praying in my head as I was signing my initials, the date and "I understand and agree" (20 million times!) "please God, don't let any of this happen to me- I just want to be skinny!"
I dreamed last night of all the people (& ex's, ahem) that I saw again as the "skinny" me.... and their reactions. Is this healthy? I'm with the only man I want to ever be with, but I certainly want those reactions from certain people. Like, I can remember my 4th grade crush, who I thought liked me at the time.... call me a fat cow in front of the whole class. Amazing how that sticks with us, right?
On another note, I just filled out some paperwork for my Psych eval on Wednesday, specifically the Quality of Life Evaluation form. How depressing. On a scale of 1-10, apparently my quality of life on most things right now is between a 2 & 4. Two items I rated over 5- first being my boyfriend, as he is the best thing that has happened to me in this life, and every day I'm reminded of why.
Second was finances. Which is strange, because I just quit my job. :-/ Probably a dumb move, but the stress, anxiety and almost-panic-attacks it was giving me just weren't worth it to me. So money is ok- but this surgery and my time off will def be making things tight. And my other half is a major panic/worrier about money and risk. So. Hmm...
I've got to be off now, picking up that final paycheck and running errands. I will say being unemployed has its perks as far as having time to do the things I need to get done before surgery. Oh, and I am awake during the day now! Yay!