I thougt I was going to die. It was such a surreal feeling. Watching all the people eating normally (what is normal anyway). All the different variety of foods and all the overweight people that was infront of a fully loaded american meal.
I felt lonely, depressed, and sad. I can never eat that much anymore, I will never get overjoyed at the thought of getting Ms. Smith's chocolate chip cookies or going to a buffet and having 2 plates of food. Going out to dinner will never..ever be the same. I'm mourning the lost of food. The joy that it gave me, after shopping all day and knowing my treat was a big plate of food. No more humming while I ate, in shear enjoyment of stuffing my face w/ my first love......food.
Damn, this is hard. I went to the mall just for vitamins and protein powder. The power was nasty and I burped up the crushed iron all night. That was my reward for a trip to the mall. I drove around for 30 min. feeling sorry for myself. As I drove, McDonalds, Taco Bell, Burger King, Dynasty Chinese Food, Philips Pub, Seafood delight, and Advance Auto Parts. Not sure why I remembered Advanced Auto Parts. But, I did!!! I feel like I'm in for an oil change and almost three weeks ago I had a part returned. My stomach. I gave up my stomach and lost my favorite friend. Now I have to find a new friend. It's not easy at 39 years old and being overweight for most of my life. I'm crying now, only because I am mourning. What do I do? Protein and vitamines has never been my friend. How can I pretend to have them as friends.
I'm sad right now.
