The last few nights I couldn't stop thinking about the surgery. It's to the where I'm not getting to sleep until 2 or 3am. It's to the point where I'm almost 90% sure it's something I want to do.
I'm thinking about tons of different things. I went through tons of different senarios in my head.
Did anyone experience this type of obsessing over it? Is it a good sign? I know this would help me so much. I was watching
I lost it! today and this lady was on there and she was bigger than myself and had the surgery. What made her realize she needed it was her children, the fact that she couldn't wash dishes without sitting on a chair and the fact that when she wanted to cook her family members brought the cutting board, knife and food to the table for her to cut it.
Those last 2 things are
me! It's horrible, I don't want to depend on seating for the rest of my life to be comfortable. It's really frustrating to not be able to go to the swapmeet with my family because I can't walk around with them without having a seat. It's starting to come between me LIVING my life and I don't like it. I feel trapped.
Another thing that scares me is that after all this termoil and going back and forth to make this HUGE decision whether or not to have it and I finally decide that I want it that the insurence can just say no. It bothers me so much that they have that kind of control over whether my life starts or not.
