Alleusion

Wow, I've read all the stories here and they're so wonderful. I want to tell my story too, just to have it out there. I guess the best place to start is, well...at the beginning.

My name is Jenny. Currently I'm 29 (and 2 weeks lol!) and weighing in at 291. I'm 5'9", 5'7" if you listen to Jenny Craig, but I'm thinking they didn't know how to check height. I was never a fat child. Extremely thin actually. I could eat and eat and eat and never gain any weight. Some day I'll tell the tub of butter story.....

Right about the time I hit puberty, I started gaining a little weight. I didn't notice it too much, except that in the 7th grade, Guess jeans were very popular and we had to go to Mexico to find some in my size. Even then, I didn't think of myself as overweight. I was a happy, well adjusted child that turned into a happy well adjusted teen. Starting in high school I believe I was around a size 8. I remember my junior year, my boyfriend bought me jeans for my birthday and we had trouble deciding between the 8 (a little tight) and the 10 (comfortable). I wanted the 8 because I didn't want to admit I was wearing a 10. My boyfriend didn't mind the weight, he liked girls that had some meat on them.

At this time, I ate horribly. I remember my best friend and I would have lunch consisting of a giant cookie and a Dr. Pepper. I did exercise though. I had weight lifting for PE class and I was on the gymnastics and track team, plus did the job of the school's mascot for football games. For 3 years I was in dance class, I was on the flag team for the marching band, and I walked to and from school daily (approx 3 miles one way).

I didn't have any clue that I would get heavy. I always told myself I would not be like my mother. At her heaviest, she said she was close to 400lbs. She had the stomach stapling surgery when I was about 10 years old. She lost some weight, but something went wrong. She began to get sick no matter what she ate. I don't know the particulars of what happened next, but I remember she had to have a considerable portion of her stomach removed due to scar tissue. Later, I learned she had had a Bilio-pancreatic diversion...basically the same thing a gastric bypass is, but still very experimental. Tricare (Champus then) had agreed to pay, then changed their minds because it was experiemental. There were court battles, a bankruptcy, and finally a divorce. I swore I would not be like my mother.

In early June, my senior year in high school (yes, prom night), I concieved my daughter. I remember my mom took me out shopping for a pair of western jeans to go with the western shirt she was sewing me. When I broke down and cried over the size of the jeans (a 15), she asked me if I was pregnant. Over the next 8 months, I gained 45 pounds. My OB was a close friend of my mother's, being the wife of the doctor that did my mom's surgery. Even though we were moving to LA, I was still able to see this doctor and give birth in San Diego.

I'd like to say that I gained so much weight during the pregnancy because her father and I split when I was 7 months along. I found he had been seeing one of my friends while I was moving to LA. I had told him I would understand if there was someone else because I was feeling huge and fat and not believing that anyone would want me in my condition. Looking back now, I know it was an excuse. I would eat fast food daily while taking some college courses. I pigged out on Halloween candy because I could. I gained 14 pounds in October alone. The pregnancy, however was perfectly normal. Tamberly was born in March at a healthy 8lbs 3oz.

After the delivery, I lost all but 5lbs. I was so excited. I was down to a 16. But, I was a single mom, living with my mother, in a city where I didn't know anyone. I started driving down to San Diego on weekends to go party in Tijuana with my friends, leaving the baby with my sister. One weekend, I drove down to SD and my friends didn't want to go to TJ. They wanted to hit the enlisted club on the Navy Amhib Base at Coronado. I had navy stickers on my car and an ID, so I could get them in. Lucky I went with them. I met my husband that night. Right away I showed him pictures of my daughter, so he would know that I was a package deal. We got together the next day and went to a movie. Him, me, and a 2 month old baby who slept through the whole thing.

I was so shocked. Not only shocked that a man would want someone with a child, but that he would want me. Stretch marks, flab and everything. We were married 6 months later, and I gave birth to a son 9 months after that. My weight was a blur in those days, I don't know what I weighed. Only that it was over 200. I think it was close to 230 when my second child was born...and I had only gained 11 pounds with that pregnancy. The nurse at the high risk clinic where I was a patient threatened to admit me to the hospital and feed me through an IV. I was eating, I was just so nauseous I couldn't keep anything down.

Here's where my health started to go down hill. I love my son, don't get me wrong, but with that pregnancy......

We found out early on that I had gestational diabetes mellitus. I had gone in at 14 weeks and told the nurse I was so thirsty. She said that was normal. At 18 weeks, I saw the actual doctor and told him I couldn't get enough to drink. And I was throwing up. He did a glucose test and my fasting was around 120, 3 hour was about 170. He called me himself the next day to say how alarmed he was. Luckily, I was able to control this with diet. Unfortunately, there was a hidden condition that we didn't find for 2 more years.

Over the next 2 years, I kept going back to the doctor. I couldn't drink water fast enough. I couldn't stop waking up in the middle of the night to chug a 64 oz cup of water, throw it up, then chug another. I couldn't sleep. They kept thinking I still had the diabetes from my pregnancy. They were only half right. One day I saw a civilian doctor working at the navy hospital. I told her what was wrong only after she asked if there was anything else (I had gone in to see her for a back injury). I casually mentioned the water and her response was "that's odd". Not exactly something you want to hear from your doctor.

Many tests and a few weeks later, it was discovered that I have a vary rare condition called central diabetes insipidus. My condition is idiopathic as they have no idea how I got it. For those that don't know, CDI is the pituitary gland not producing the hormone Vasopressin. This hormone controls your fluid intake and output, your heart rate, and your body temp. Since it deals with the pituitary gland, it also wrecks havoc with the female hormones. We found out then that I couldn't have any more children. One of the tests they did was a 24 hour water depravation test. I was admitted to the hospital and not allowed to eat or drink. During this time, they checked my blood and urine for regulation of salts, and my weight. The test would stop after one of 3 things occured : 1) 24 had passed, 2) whatever they were looking at in my blood and urine equaled out, or 3) I lost 4% of my body weight.

4 hours into the test, I had lost 12 pounds. It stopped right there. They said it was the fastest they had ever done that test. To completely dehydrate yourself in 4 hours was not a good sign, I was told.

So, what does this have to do with my weight? Alot. I started working not long after this as an office manager in a dental xray lab. Image and presentation was important. My assistant was a tiny skinny little thing and I felt like a whale next to her. I stopped caring what I ate. My husband still loved me anyways. There was a Carl's Jr in the same parking lot as our building and they served burgers for breakfast. I had one almost daily.

After 9-11, my husband's work hours didn't mesh with mine and I gave my notice. For a year I stayed home. I became addicted to online games. The ability to hide behind my computer screen and make friends who didn't know what I looked like was essential for me. These people in this virtual world became everything for me. My husband and I fought constantly, as I put so much importance into this game. Through a string of luck, I actually got a job for the company that made the game I was in love with. The one draw back...it was a desk job in front of a computer. No need to get up unless I had to use the restroom, and of course to eat. Plus, I strongly believe that this company did not think that the employees ate enough, because every time I turned around they were feeding us. We ordered Chinese and pizza and mexican like it was nothing.

Because I had a horrible eating habit, often only eating one unhealthy meal a day, my metabolism went to heck. Sure, I thought in the back of my mind that I was not being fair to my body. I dieted off and on and yo-yo'd. On my 27th birthday, I walked into a Jenny Craig. I was weighed at 270-ish and I cried. It was the heaviest I'd ever been. 6 months on JC and I only lost about 20 pounds. Around New Years, I gave up. My husband wanted to try Atkins, so I went along with him. I lost about 40 pounds in a few months, but the diet lost it's flare. I couldn't see myself keeping up with this. After stopping Atkins, the weight came back with a vengence.

In March of this year, I quit the job that I loved. My husband was due to leave for Iraq soon and I would need weekends off to care for our children. My boss was not willing to work with me. I didn't realize until seeing a doctor about a month later, but I was depressed. I cried at the drop of a hat. I was stressed, my hair was falling out. I couldn't sleep, and I lost all desire for sex. I made a doctor's appointment to discuss my weight.

That day I weighed 300 even. I was horrified. Talking to the Doctor, I started crying. It was a sensitive subject for me. He brought up the gastric bypass, said he knew they were doing it at Balboa. He gave me the consult to surgery and one to Endocrinology for my CDI. When he asked me how I was sleeping and I started crying again, he asked if I was depressed. I guess I was in major denial, because I'd never allowed myself to think there was something "wrong" with me.

I've had almost all my consult appointments now, with only one to go - the gallbladder ultrasound. I have my pre-op appointment on September 7th. It's a little further away then I wanted, but I waited so long to make the ultrasound appointment. They want me to lose 12 pounds before the surgery to prove I'm willing to make the lifestyle change. I had lost all but 3 pounds when I was stupid and got myself a second degree sunburn. Thanks to all the swelling and inactivity, I went up to 302.

I went on a camping trip with my daughter's girl scout troop and during the hike, I realized I was killing myself. I'm missing out on so much of my children's lives because I'm too sick or too tired to do any kind of activities with them. At my last appointment, I weighed in at 291 - still 7 pounds to go before I've lost the 12.

I'm nervous about this surgery. I googled "gastric bypass support" and this was the second page on the list. Imagine my suprise when I saw so may people from my area. It's been so long since I've met people around here. All my neighbors are military and I've not gone out and made friends on purpose because they always moved away. Before posting this tonight, I went and read all of these stories. If you've gotten down this far, I'm amazed. And thankful. Thank you all for letting me tell my story. I can only hope that I'm strong enough for the coming months. It's time to make a change.