Hi guys, my name is Ashley, and I'm pretty confident I had the gastric bypass when I was too young. My surgeon was a young woman as well, about 30, and she retired about three months prior to doing my surgery. My dietician (who did not see me much, because she disagreed with my surgery, yet never expressed her reasoning behind it, merely said she preferred not seeing me) was fired directly before my surgery.
I didn't know anything about psychological changes. Transfer addiction. A young woman's dealings with a quarter life crisis and how that, in and of itself is hard enough, and toss in a brand new body and way of life, and the issues may seem to multiply. None of this dawned on me, I just wanted to live a normal life so desperately. I just wanted to be healthy.
The psychiatrist I saw who approved my surgery was one of my professors (I was a Psychology Major at the time, a few months from graduation, and he was very excited for me. He readily approved me). I had the surgery, all went well except for my needing more than the usual amount of pain medication (I am 6' tall and was nearly 400 pounds) and was put in ICU to be monitored. All went according to plan, I was up and about the day of my surgery, and recovered well. I graduated a few months later, and started to live my life as a post-op Gastric Bypass Patient.
I was shocked and disheartened when my doctor retired. I was dropping weight quickly, and feeling all sorts of frightened feelings and changing emotions. I had just graduated and was in the real world looking for a job, my body was changing, and I was even losing a couple of friends! What was happening? My relationship with my boyfriend seemed to be suffering, but I wasn't acting any differently? Even my best friend agreed that she didn't understand what was going on, why everything was changing so quickly. I spent a lot of my time taking care of my Memaw, who suffered from Dementia, and lived in a nursing home down the street. I knew that if I pushed the focus off of myself, I would feel better and stop thinking so much of my own sadness.
Well, fast forward a year and some months. I am now a size 10. The bypass did its job, with help from Weight Watchers Online. But I have suffered a transfer addiction to Lortab. I was in a bad car accident last year that caused two of my discs to slip in my back, and that started me on the pills. I had found something that made me happy....kept me going, smiling, and filled a real void in my life during a time when I felt more alone than I ever could have dreamed. My Memaw was murdered, my mother was sick, my fiancee decided he wasn't ready for marriage...well, I don't want to go into a lot of personal problems because they just come out sounding like excuses. I guess its good to type them out and get them off of my chest. Lortab was a quiet way to calm the scream inside of me. No one had to know about it, and I could keep shoving the emotions to the pit of my stomach, and keep on doing what I had to do to function successfully.
I have since kicked the addiction to Lortab. I still backslide with Darvocet sometimes, and it definitely concerns me, but am seeking help with a therapist. I want to talk these issues out, not shove them down into myself. I don't want to ever feel alone again. I always had family around, but it was always me holding everyone up. And the Lortab kept making it so possible. I'm now living alone for the first time in my own house, with my own job, and my own quiet independence. No one knows about the things I dealt with after the bypass, except for my former fiancee, who I have just told in the past few days (after everything has been called off).
I appreciate you guys taking the time to read this. It felt good to write it. I have been so afraid of judgment that I have kept everything inside. I'm not afraid anymore, because the self-loathing I have imposed on myself is 100 times worse than what anyone else can give to me. I would love to find someone else in a similar situation to talk to.
P.S I do not regret the gastric bypass. It has saved my life. I regret the lack of information I received. I regret that I was a little young (am 24 now). I wish I had known the things I know now, although I am significantly happier!
