ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum - View Single Post - OT... not about weight...and a little long

SweetSouthern · 12-03-2008, 06:38 PM

Mike, I honestly do not know how to tell you to deal with these feelings. My ex MIL shot herself in February and our wedding was planned for her birthday in June. We went through with the wedding as planned on her b'day, and it sorta stood for a memorial ceremony in our hearts also, because I had a single red rose in the center of my bouquet in memory of her because she loved red roses. Not many other people knew why it was there, but it seemed to make our day alot happier. I truly loved this woman. I would have NEVER expected her to do what she did. It was a struggle to come to terms with not even knowing she was going through so much and had such thoughts. My ex really had a hard time with it, as he went through the blaming everyone around him, including himself, for not being there for her when she was obviously screaming for help with some of her actions to her family members. He even had the anger rages that came along with the guilt he felt. I believe it's called "survivor's syndrome", when someone you love dies and you feel you could have done something or you feel guilty because it was them and not you and you are also angry at them for what they did and forcing you to go through what you are because of their actions. It took my ex a long time to come to terms with it all and realize that there was not really anything he could have done if she was determined to take her own life. There will always be "what ifs", but you can't blame yourself for the choices someone else makes. Just be a friend. I do not agree with stepping away from your friend because sometimes friends are what holds us together and when left alone there is nothing for the glue to hold together, but I do agree with you not feeling "responsible" for him. His family needs to do this, not you. If he ever shows signs of this again, just do what you did and call his wife to let her know. She will have to deal with it from there. You have done your part then. I'm really sorry you are having to deal with this situation. It really sucks and for anyone with a good heart, it's going to be a tough spot to be in. I hope your friend gets the help he needs and he gets better.