Sounds like you're doing good to me!!! I was in the same boat as you...I have been thinking of this for over 7 years now...almost eight!!! I always thought of it as the easy way out...I know NOW that it is just a tool!!! It is up to you to make it work for you!!!
Please from the bottom of my heart...Don't go down that road you were on before!!! It's ok to stumble but get back up and keep on going!!! You were strong enough to get this surgery done for your health...now do it to keep staying healthy!!!
I know I don't know you, but I love you like a TT sister should!!!
YOU WILL BE AN AWESOME LOSER!!! Keep your head up high!!!
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