Jacki, hey as awful as it sounds, you are in a good place...figuring out what food is and why you have used it (replacement for relationships). You are on your way to doing the brain surgery that we talk about here, the surgery we have to do on ourselves after the doc operates.
My first suggestion is one that others may/may not agree with but I give it because it worked for me. Please consider seeing your GP or surgeon and discuss the option of a short-term anti-depressant. I needed one. Badly. You RECOGNIZE this, so I'm so proud of you girl. Now if you need some short-term help to address the biochemistry of depression AND the situational depression you say you are in, then please go get that help okay?
It doesn't mean you're weak, it doesn't mean anything negative. Some say our society overprescribes drugs. Fine. But I am here to say that if I had not gone on an anti-depressant for the months after surgery then I don't know where I'd be now.
I CERTAINLY don't think I'd be at this weight, maintained for years. Okay?
I feel your pain because I remember it vividly. I never left my couch. I didn't want to talk to anyone (had a hubby and an 11-year-old and it was hard on them). I literally just wanted to sleep so I didn't have to deal with anything INCLUDING FOOD. But my hubby encouraged me to get help, he knew this wasn't me, and thank god he did that.
So I'm going to encourage you to do that. And definitely definitely definitely stay in touch here. Many of us know what the post-WLS depression feels like, and we all know the struggles after the surgery change. So even if it feels like a burden, post here. Even if it's just a quick note, okay?
You'll stay connected to people who UNDERSTAND. This is so important.
And soon you will move past this stage, and you'll be able to work on the stuff you're digging out about what food has been to you.
Bless you sweetie, and one step at a time you will get there
