splendifor

I come here several times a day and post a few times.. but haven't been speaking as much as maybe I could.. I don't know why I feel shy talking here because in real life I'm not all that shy.. although I tend to be reclusive. I've been isolating myself a lot lately. It took me awhile to realize that I am over the *high* of having the surgery and started slipping into depression.

I started reading the book When Food Is Love and I realized how true one part was for me - that I use food as a replacement for relationships. Only now I don't have food. I don't know how to be around people (either online or in real life) in a way that feels comfortable..

So yeah I'm kind of depressed. A part of it is because there were two women who my partner and I became friends with as an introduction to the surgery. They had both had the surgery and promised to be there for me and my partner through it.. only 4 days before my surgery their relationship blew up (including one of them blatantly having an affair and trying to get my partner to collude in it). Now neither one of them return our calls - and it's depressing to go through this experience with almost no support except what I get here... I know there are groups I could go to but I just feel so burned out by what happened with those two women I don't want more drama right now :P

I don't really know what I'm saying except that I need community but I'm not very good at knowing how to make that happen without "cycling" through isolating times as well.. I have a lot of half-neglected friendships that feel more like obligations than support.

... I don't know what else to say so I guess I'll just say thanks for reading (haha)

J

__________________
Surgery Date: 4/23/08
Surgery weight - 275
Current weight - 171
Goal - 130 or somewhere in the area...

Yeah yeah I need a new picture