Debz,
I know that this thread is a little ways back, but searched the topic and here it came up. I too am a survivor. I am a bad ass, say it how it is, but too wore the fat suit. I lost 130lbs a couple years ago. Got the advances from men, and slowly started to put my fat suit back on. I am a mother of 6 kids. 4 of them are special needs adoptions who have all in some way been abused as well. I was wrecking there life being such a control safety freak as well as sabotages mine. I have been to 100's of hours of therapy with them and one day said dammit I need help myself. Did you find that you would not think about the abuse for months, but your mind would still try to protect you in other ways?
My therapist did a technique on me called EMDR. If you know anybody who has been in combat it is pretty much the same thing they do to the soldiers that return from war. I can tell you with 100 percent certainty it really works. It is hard to explain, and you might be able to get a better explanation if you google it.
One example that I can give you though is that when I was younger I always thought really hard about being the smart one. Never wanted to feel fooled or made to think I should no better. In my EMDR therapy, right in the middle of telling her of the incident she stopped and asked me what I was feeling. I instantly said "stupid". I should of know better than to let it happen to me. I never put this together by myself, but it came to me instantly during therapy. I no longer give a shit what others think about my intelligence, or what I do or do not know. There was so much that came out of it. My cousin that was 6 months younger than me was there too. I grew up with her and we still to this day are the best of friends. We have never talked about the incident (I do not know if she remembers, and will talk to her when it is right) I used to protect her ass from everything. I would never allow anybody to hurt her. Men, women you name it. I remember being in high school and punching some guy out because he made a pass at her. Since I did not protect her that day, I felt that I should my whole life.
Anyway, I am blabbing. To all of you out there are survivors as well I am sorry for your pain and hope that it does not control your life. Not that I feel like I am "fixed", but am working just as hard on that as I am the pounds I am losing.
Peace
Michelle
__________________
Lap RYN Surgery 3-10-08
Preop/surgery/current/goal
274/286/229/160
5'8
|