Hello everyone,
I began my "story" in the "introduce yourself" forum but I feel as if I need to move the rest of my story to this forum so you may see a few things repeated.
My partner, Danita, had lap. RNY (3/24/08) one week before I had mine (3/31/08). We have both been pretty miserable but I'm feeling the brunt of the misery. I've been attributing it to her being a week ahead of me, but who knows why she's had things easier than I have. We've been very depressed about a lot of things since surgery but I guess the biggest is not being able to eat "normally". Every freakin commercial on TV shows awesome food and people eating that awesome food, normally. All we can do is sit back and take notice of how we can't hardly eat a thing. As if it wasn't bad enough that we can't eat normal food...does it HAVE to be so damn uncomfortable going down? And the fact that we have to analyze every morsel of food to death, before putting it nervously in our mouths, is driving me crazy. I'm in tears typing this right now because I feel like screaming, "What in the hell have I done???"
We have both gone back and forth with our crying spells and second-guessing our decision but Danita seems to be accepting her new life a little easier than I am. I guess it doesn't help that I was moving right along with recovery when all of a sudden, for the past 7 days, I've been in excruciating pain on my left side every time I move. I feel as if I have backslided into week one. The pain shoots out from my biggest incision and sort of wraps itself around my left side and "attacks" my back. WTF is going on there? On top of that, they jacked up my left leg during surgery and now it's numb and hurts and feels like it's on fire all at the same time. I'm just so sick of being in pain all the time. (I'm going to the doctor on Tuesday, by the way.)
I'm also sick of not being able to eat more than 3 bites of something without it hurting going down. Then there's the FUN FUN part where you get to sit and wait to see if a dumping session will begin or not. This is B.S. Who can live like this? I sware I wish I was fat again. At least I would feel normal. At least I'd be happy, eating normally. As it is right now, I'm walking around here all hunched over to the left like the G.D. hunchback of Notre Dame, suffering in pain!
Why don't I see anybody else talking about this stuff? I WISH like hell someobdy would've told me about all the bad stuff that was going to happen to me after I got this surgery because I sure as hell would've thought about it longer. And what's up with losing 23 lbs and then gaining 3 or 4 lbs back? Is this what I have to look forward to? Suffering and going through all this b.s. to not lose weight, but to gain it back?
Sorry for the vent...but it's real.
SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME THAT I WILL FEEL NORMAL AGAIN!!!!
P.S. - God I'd kill for a Coke and some fried chicken right about now.