Hi folks,
My surgery was June 2002 with Dr. Callery. Would I do it again? Absolutely!!! Is it a challenge? You bet. I haven't posted to this website or even looked at it for about 4 years but here I am today.
I have a new life and I am so incredibly grateful. Looking back I think there were a few things I did not pay enough attention to. The psychological side of why we eat and are addicted to food.
While I was in the honeymoon period I experienced bliss and joy the way I had only dreamed it could be. Wearing the "little clothes" was thrilling (size 4 pants, are you kidding me?!!!!) There were other moments, sitting in a restaurant with the family only being able to eat 3 bites of my meal and quietly crying because I was mourning the loss of food.
I was able to get a better job, which I largely attribute to the combination of my smaller frame and increased confidence. But that job became my new addiction. After a while I lost myself to gambling because I now had the money to go and play. When that started to get too expensive I went to alcohol because it cost less.
Here I am, two years later and I am only now escaping the fog. I tried to check myself into an alcohol rehab program but they said that I wasn't suicidal and I was sober when I walked in the doors. Therefore, insurance would not cover it. (Isn't that a pisser!) They referred me to a psychiatrist and I encountered the longest two weeks of my life. I was fighting to stay sober, to not piss off my family, to stop sobbing, to stop feeling in any way possible. It was at this point that I saw the truth. The alcohol, the food, the gambling, the isolation were all just forms of covering up the mental illness and childhood traumas I had never put to rest.
I was finally able to work with the psychiatrist enough to beg him to check me into the mood disorder program. The stigma associated with my choice was very uncomfortable for me. "I'm not crazy". Walking into my first day at the outpatient program felt like walking into a mental ward and yet I felt my first ray of hope again. It reminded me so much of the gastric bypass surgery. I remember thinking of that word over and over in my first year after WLS. HOPE!
Since I started this new journey I have learned much more about myself than I ever wanted to know but what a blessing. And I'll tell you what else is fascinating. The people in these mental health programs are just like you and me. They are not losers any more than WE were losers when we were 300 lbs. They are biochemists, college graduates, entrepreneurs, mothers, construction workers, and truly brilliant/amazing people who can't stop crying or can't walk out their front door. They are people pleasers and over-achievers and they have not learned the coping skills needed to make it through some aspects of life.
To sum up my point, it is so incredibly important to also do your homework on what is happening inside of you. I don't care if this is genetic or addictive, finding out what got us here is CRUCIAL! The statistics have already come up with a number that 30% of WLS patients become alcoholics but I would venture higher numbers and not just alcohol. It would be work, family, anorexia, isolation, etc. that you form into a new addiction.
There are 3 books that I'm finding very helpful. (Just in case your insurance won't cover mental health issues or you're just too embarrassed to ask.)
"Healing the Inner Child"
"Breaking Free of the Co-Dependency Trap"
"Binge No More"
(There's a lot of books out there, but I felt these had some fairly significant visual tools rather than just a bunch of pretty words.)
Take care of yourselves, everyone,
(A love note from...)
Mud
(aka Margaret but everyone in Dr. Callery's support group remembers me as Mud...those were the days
)