ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass and Lap Band® Forum - View Single Post

twokids · 05-04-2005, 02:51 PM

Ok, I have been reading all of the stories and posting for a couple of weeks now and feel comfortable enough to share my story.

I have been overweight all of my life. I was always the tallest and biggest in the class all through school. I was active in high school, playing basketball, track, band, etc. but always was made fun of. I wanted so badly to fit in somewhere and ended up eating away my tears. I never had a date or a boyfriend in highschool. Attended the prom by myself. I can't count the number of nights I would cry myself to sleep.

Then came college. Wow is that a different experience! I came from a small town in Iowa (good ol' farm girl) and hit college (and booze) School has always been easy for me, so I never had to apply myself and the classwork and went to the parties. I was a member of the track team and traveled with the college football team. I worked in the athletic department training room and football office. I was well known, but as the "fat one" I would party with the football team and would drink for acceptace until the worst possible thing happend...I was raped.

My life really started to spiral. My grades started to fall, my track perfomance was not well, I stopped going home to the farm, all I wanted to do is eat and drink booze. My self esteem was completely gone, I tried to end my life on two occations. I began to sleep with whoever even looked my direction. I continued to be abused my the same man that raped me for two full years. I was starving for help. I have to thank a good college friend for helping me see a glimmer of light. She gave me the courage to stop the spiral and get away from the abuse and see that life by myself was good.

I moved off of campus, focused on graduation, and what do you know, found my husband! We dated for five years before we were married. We always have had relationship trouble due to my past and by my own self-esteem (or lack of it) I still to this day do not see how he could love someone like me; but I know God sent him to me. We now have two beautiful children and a wonderful life. I still have a hard time letting me touch me with all of the loose skin now. Before it was the fat, now the skin. I have to give him the gold medal for being on the roller coaster and not falling off!

My parents didn't know the kind of missery I was in until I discusse having wls surgery with them. They felt they were to blame for my weight. This scares me to death, because I have a 4 year old that weighs 70 pounds. I try everyday to keep her eating healthy, but she looks at food and gets bigger. I see so much of myself in her it makes me cry. I want her to stand up and be proud of herslef and have the positive life that I never had.

I had my surgery on August 17, 2004 and weighed in at 322 on the morning of surgery. I am now 9 months post-op and can't seem to shake the 230 mark. Yes 92 pounds is a bunch, but in my book it is not good enough. I have this internal drive that no matter what I do, it is never good enough.

I sure hope as the weight begins to fall off, my attitue and self-esteem will improve. I want to be able to help my daughter, but at this point, I am struggling to keep my own head above water.

It is a big boost to be able to wear a size 18 again. Then I go to Wal-Mart and end up buying a 22! How depressing, then I head down the poor-me road again. I know my story is rambling in many directions, but I am trying to understand myself and my emotions every day. I can no longer eat my way out of a slump.

I can not tell all of you how this site has helped me over the past few weeks. My surgeon didn't require a phyc consult, I wished it would have. There are seveal posts that indicationt he psyc consult is holding them back, but trust me, that is so very important! I thank all of you for being so kind in your posts!