I mentioned in a different thread that I teach a conflict resolution class
One of the things I like BEST about my co-leader is how he is so gifted at letting people own their own crap.. I'm getting better at it since watching and learning from him. He does it to me too and it pisses me off that it WORKS even as I know he's doing it (lol)
I"m not sure if you're her trainer-trainer or being a good samaritan.. I think that if you're being a good samaritan then maybe do your workout beside her while she struggles... (time being a factor here) or if not, just stand there with her. Meanwhile, you have said, "I think you could go up to xyz." She says, "No I can't blah blah blah." You could either use reflective listening (I hear you saying you don't think you can.) or the broken record method (I think you could go up to xyz.) or the observational method (I can see you're really struggling with seeing yourself as capable/strong/etc as I do.) or what I call the "buddha smile" (direct eye contact, no words just expectant smile.) Usually there's a good way to blend all those types of things but the bottom line that is being communicated is You are going to have to decide to make this work, I can't decide for you. It's a very effective way to leave the power to make the choice (and the mandate for making the choice) in her lap - it's less exhausting than trying to persuade her against her will (the more you try, the more she argues against it) and leaves you in a calm, centered, hopeful place which is the BEST place to be a change-agent (which is what I see you being
) AND of course, that calm, centered, hopeful place is the only place that any of the above methods really work from
I'd like to know how things work out for you so I hope you'll post an update as things progress.