Here I am a day after my big melt down, I survived it.
I think that is as low as I ever felt, to think that way, and even if I did said it was not hormonal, now looking at it, that was not me, but it was, and that is what is a bit more upseting.
My father did the suicide thing, so depression runs in my family, his father did, and my mothers father did, and well I stop at that because it's depressing just thinking about it.
Today, feel much better. I bought me a Bow Flex 2 weeks ago, and today I worked that thing for half an hour, after, I felt so much energy,, who would of thought that excersizing would give me so much of it, and yet it did. The rest of the day I felt ok, with the exception of that coffee I had at Dutch Bro's and it kicked in,, felt I could not concentrate on my work like I like to.
One thing I can say,, I love my work, I work from home in a virtual reality online world called Second Life,, anyone here plays?
It pays my bills, and it is paying for this surgery, now I make more a month then my husband does and my challenge is to double it by next summer 2009
Anyways, just want to thank you all for your words and support,, I am thinking about saving up to get to the therapist who did my evaluation for the surgery, I did liked her and her prices are not bad.
As I have time I will explain more in detail why I felt the way I did, and yes, I still do think I am heading for a divoce, that is what I want and I do believe is for the best.
Thanks all
Chiquita