I would suspect about 85% of people on the board would say they came from a "broken home" or "dysfunctional family". What WE have to do is accept that our parents were the best parents they could be. You may have been dealt a crappy hand as a child, but our parents did the best that they KNEW how. Thats the first step in recovery, accepting this.
Secondly you must love yourself. If you dont love you or the person you are or the things you do, why would anyone else? Ask yourself if you like the person you are, if not you must work on loving yourself first.
Figuring out why you attract the wrong partner:
Write a list about the things you remember about your father or the male presence that assisted in raising you. Be very honest a detailed. What were his physical characteristincs? tall? Short? Thin, large? Handsome, or not or average? Next, list the things that he did. The things you remember. Was he the bill payer? What was his role in the household dynamic? What was his fatherly role? Did he play with you? What were the things he did for you?
Next make a list of your first love. Recalling the same as above. Next list your current partner or last ex. You will see a direct coralation in traits. You should see a patern. If you want something different from a partner, you will have to find the opposite things from the lists. Maybe you will see a pattern in your behavior with males that shows you enable destructive behavior.
The only thing you can change is YOU. You have the power of CHOICE. Be the change you want to see in your life. If you want to be loved, give love and be loving. If you want compliments, give compliments. If you want to attract a certain type of partner, become that person. By becoming that person I mean change your usual ways of meeting people. Instead of bars or wherever you may meet people, try professional match making like, Its just lunch, try anything just dont switch phone numbers with anyone you meet in a bar, or night club. Maybe happy hours in an area of town that anyone you ever dated before wouldnt be caught dead at.
Give it a try, and see if you have a revelation. I speak from experience, although now I have chose to not be in a relationship. Im still not the person I want to be, Im a work in progress, when Im satisfied with who I am and I feel like Im a fabulous catch for someone, then I will open up to the opportunity to invite someone else in. For now, its me, God and my children. im in no hurry to get into a relationship, I dont date. I am in a hurry to becoming freaking fabulous though! Best wishes to you and anyone else who is suffering right along silently.
__________________
J.Bridget Fisher
2/9/04 lap 5'11"
298/155
www.myspace.com/caliclovercutie
We must have a theme, a goal, a purpose in our lives. If you don't know where you're aiming, you don't have a goal. My goal is to live my life in such a way that when I die, someone can say, she cared." - MaryKay Ash
|