BMusical, Zen, Chick, Veronique - and you too Whitney
what strikes me is that there is the element of NOT trusting, in the first instance, MEN! I think that you are all capable and able to love, but because of the despicable and detrimental behaviour of MEN in your past, you are shutting down FEELINGS altogether for fear of becoming even more hurt, thereby even shutting out fealings of PLEASURE, such as affection and even love.
This is a very normal reaction for self-preservation. By writing on this very Forum, by expressing your innermost anxieties, "feeling bad/dirty/broken", you have been able to process those subjects this far. You are a scalded cat - how can you TRUST that you will not get burned again?
Talk to your dogs, pets. They obviously don't understand your words, but they are sensitive to your tone of voice. Become closer to them, give them a one to one attention. They are "innocent" and will not answer back, nor will they betray your confidence. Practice on them (even cats). They will reward you with a wag of the tail... If you have no pets, talk to your mirror. When you get up in the morning, smile to yourself in the mirror - it is so nice to have a smiley face greet you in return!.
Freshen up on your manners - "manners maketh man". Reinforcing the please may I have... thank you, improves the feelgood factor. It also engenders respect and apprciation. If you need your kids to lay the table, add your heartfelt please and remember to add your heartfelt thank you. Small steps lead to longer roads.
Kasey, apply the please and thank yous to your husband. Sit and watch television holding hands. Only holding hands. He too needs to feel included, even if he has "accepted" being "submissive". Gradually you can move on to bigger/better things, in your own time, as and when YOU wish. It will certainly reinforce you as a couple, make him more "loveable" and be a further good example and REASSURANCE to your kids. Kiss them goodnight when you tuck them in, one at a time.
Dress for YOURSELF. Buy nice underwear for YOURSELF. If it happens to please husband/kids/friends/colleagues, great - but you do it for YOURSELF. There is no guilt in that!
Best wishes and keep posting - downs and ups - we are all here to hear!
Cheers,
Vim
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NOTHING WORTHWHILE IS ACHIEVED WITHOUT A STRUGGLE
TTF Gym Rat #70 /// TTF SWEDEEBEAR
Lap RNY 05 Dec 2007 / 240 lbs / BMI 39.9 / Goal 140 lbs
15 March 2008 WONDERLAND and loss of 42% in 3 months
13 April 2008 very happy but stalling
20th April officially "unstalled" at 194.2 = 55 pounds to lose
http://ttfvim.blogspot.com
http://ttfvim.thinnerblogs.com
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