okay i am going to take a stab at this only because you said a few things that i relate to.
I was an only child until I was 18.....my mom was a big partier as i was growing up so i've seen my share of party atmoshpere. I was married and pregnant by the time i was just barely 20 and stayed married for 12yrs but was never happy. He did give me two beautiful children and allow myself to build my own career. I have been divorced for 4 years now and have not had one serious relationship. Actually I think that i have that 'independant karma' that you were talking about. I tend to be attracted to the very timid and reserved guys. If they are louder than me, it's a no in my book. I hate that it's like that but I feel more in control that way. Over the past couple of years I've been trying to open my box and expand my choices. It's hard when they're not really falling at my door step ya know? I own my home, I have a 100k income, i pay my bills, and i'm a very lovable person. Sometimes I wonder if I'm lovable and what is it that I'm missing. My mom used to yell at me a lot growing up and now I find myself yelling at my kids often. I have to stop myself and say "hey, what am i doing". Those babies love me I know that for sure....omg, i just realized that your post sent me into the same rambling you did....hee,hee,hee.
