As you all know i have had many problems with my marriage and with my health. Well i don't know if i've ever said anything but i was the oldest child in an extremely broken home ( drugs, wild parties,alcohol, verbal and physical abuse). So being the oldest i protected my brothers and sisters at all cost. I also shut myself down and only associated myself with men who i didn't love. So last night both of my boys were cuddled up in my bed and we were watching a movie and my oldest whispered in my ear "mommy u are my heart". He kissed me on the check and went back to watching my movie. It was at that point that i realized that i am loved by my children ,so i must be capable of love. I know this sounds stupid but i just realized that i have been incapable of love for a very long time. The point to this diatribe is i find myself wondering if i would every fall in love with a man. Alot of the abuse i endured was from stepfathers and boyfriends. I also had a father who was absent because of a heroine addiction. Oh and the nearest and dearest to my heart ( my grandmother) told me she thought i should look into the fact that i could be gay.l She thinks that i am too strong and independent to every have a loving relationship with a man. I have to admit a few years ago i did switch hit but never tried a relationship., My husband now is very submissive and never approaches me for any kind of physical relationship. So i am comfortable here. I have no idea what i am talking about any more.l I tried to tell my dog but he's not much help. Any advice would be great or none would be fine i just needed to put this down on paper. Sorry
