Welcome to the forum. Don't apologize for the rant. Sometimes we just need to write it out. I know there are many times I needed to do that and it most certainly helped to write.
I want you to know that your struggles have been shared by many of us. I too grew up with a mother who was so critical of my weight. It hurt and I can hear the hurt in your words too.
You know it took me MANY years to figure my feelings out and many years to love myself enough not to go running for food whenever I had the same kind of discussions that you have with your Mom. Sometimes my Mom's comments made me feel so unloved so I would run to whatever food I could grab and try to comfort myself. I tried to give myself the love I felt I didn't get from my Mom. But over the years I found it really didn't help. All it did was make me more miserable and made me dislike myself even more.
I want to direct you to an article I read the other day. I posted it on the forum. It was something that made so much sense to me...it helped me to understand why I tried to bury my pain with food for so many years and it opened a window showing me that there is hope.
My Mother, My Appetite
Go to this link....I think it may help.
Please know that you aren't alone in your pain, you don't struggle alone. You are a person of worth and it is worth giving yourself permission to love and mother yourself and to realize food isn't the answer...the answer is really within you.
__________________
Beth
Little Victories; Grand Rapids, MI
Bariatric Support Group
CherishedTeddyBear-(TT Bear Lover)
The Poetry of Milady
New Beginnings: My Journey to LIFE
359(BMI: 58.8)/ 148(BMI: 24.3)
Highest/Current
Diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, high cholesterol,
peripheral vein disease, joint pain and 211 lbs GONE!! 
Century Club: July 3, 2006
ONE-derland: Dec. 22, 2006
Double Century: May 29, 2007
Goal: June 15, 2008
Lap RNY: 1/30/06-Dr Randal Baker
TT/BL: 09/21/07-Dr Ronald Ford
PS Revisions: 04/29/08-Dr Ronald Ford
Gallbadder removal: 06/09/08-Dr Randal Baker
"...if we pay attention to the fact that we can move,
breathe, feel, laugh, cry and notice sunsets,
there is cause for joy."
-Geneen Roth
Last edited by MiladyB; 03-24-2008 at 10:20 PM.
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