You may be shocked at the statistics, I was. If I recall correctly, nearly 3/4 of women have survived rape, incest, molestation, physical abuse and other forms of soul-murdering acts of others that were either strangers or the people that were SUPPOSED to love and nurture us.
I stood up to my abuser. Filed a lawsuit years after I finally escaped. Gave a deposition. Then didn't have the money to pay for attorneys' costs. But it was okay. I stood up to him. I wasn't afraid. It was one step in the journey (there are so goddamn many).
If you look at the reality of weight and abuse, you'll find that there are anorexics who have taken the OTHER route of trying to find a sense of control after abuse. Anorexia seems to be rooted in gaining control of SOMETHING. I'm not saying all anorexics were abused, I'm saying that a lot of them were.
I would not be at all surprised if a HIGH percentage of us on here are survivors. Men included. IT's not something we're "supposed to talk about" and I say bullshit to that. Because that is, again, letting the bastards win. We're silent when we carry the shame for what was done TO US. It's the natural response, it's how we coped when we endured. But there is hope to kick the shame to the curb. It's essential to loving yourself.
I don't believe I'm anyone special because I've come this far in healing, but I guess I am. I dunno. One of my therapists (I've had a few over the years, off and on as things in life necessitated the help) said to me:
"I cannot comprehend how you've become who you are when I consider the pile of shit you came from. Most don't heal. I don't know how you've done it. You have done something that few have done." I answered him with this:
"I know how. Because I decided at one point in my life that I REFUSE to allow what was done TO me dictate any more of my life. It's MY life now, and they have no power. Being powerless is the best motivation to never let someone else treat me like shit ever again."
I should note that I have absolutely NO contact with my family of origin. It was the best choice I ever made for myself. They are sick and infectious. I'm a grownup now and I don't have to expose myself (or my child) to their twisted sense of reality and the lies they believe about themselves and me
God that feels good. And so does standing here writing this with that suit unzipped and fearless of being judged for what I say. I say it because there have been strangers (and friends) along the way who have encouraged me. I don't know I could have healed so much without them. One friend said to me something I will never forget, and it affected me deeply because I never heard it growing up. She said:
"Phoenixfire, you are a GOOD person."
STill brings tears to my eyes when I remember that moment. And she KNOWS me, one of my best friends. So surround yourself with encouragers, and kick the toxic people in your life to the curb. Do it for yourself, you won't regret it and you'll find out just how wonderful you are.
Peace out, off to work!
