Quote:
Originally Posted by Janelle
So many of you wise. I am constantly amazed by the amount of reflection I find on this board. I hadn't thought about how most of us are or will be living in bodies we have never lived in. I guess while I am ready for the physical changes of wls, I hadn't thought about not having been as "fit" as I hope to be in my entire adult life. It is kind of scary! You have definitely given me something to think about. Not in a bad way, though.  |
Janelle, the fact that I am now living in a body that I have never known has been rather disarming for me. I had been overweight to obese since I was 8 years old. I had very short periods where I reached normal weight but they were few and far between and I must admit at those times I still carried the mindset of being overweight. I've struggled with embracing the person that I am becoming. Often I don't recognize myself...the things that I do and say. Sometimes it feels as if I am watching someone else and I find myself thinking and wondering, is that REALLY ME???
I'm becoming that person of my dreams, that person I never thought would be a person of reality. Sometimes I find that very scary but also exciting. It's been a very emotional journey for me in many ways. I sometimes find myself wrestling with feelings that I don't deserve this "goodness". Or wondering if this too is only yet another one of my dreams. Am I going to wake up one day to find myself once again over 300 pounds? I get on the scale and I still find it hard to believe. I still can't wrap my mind around the number I see on the scale because those are the numbers that I have only experienced in my dreams and I have been so programed throughout my life that when it comes to my weight my dreams will never be a reality.
Like I have said to people so many times is that I find this entire experience VERY humbling. I honestly feel this surgery and my success is a gift. It is something that someone greater than me has given to me. I feel so totally undeserving but grateful beyond words. One of the things that I honestly want most in life is to help others experience the reality of finding that person that has only ever been in their dreams and living a life they have never known.
Forgive my sermon here...I just find myself rather emotional tonight. 
__________________
Beth
Little Victories; Grand Rapids, MI
Bariatric Support Group
CherishedTeddyBear-(TT Bear Lover)
The Poetry of Milady
New Beginnings: My Journey to LIFE
359(BMI: 58.8)/ 148(BMI: 24.3)
Highest/Current
Diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, high cholesterol,
peripheral vein disease, joint pain and 211 lbs GONE!!
Century Club: July 3, 2006
ONE-derland: Dec. 22, 2006
Double Century: May 29, 2007
Goal: June 15, 2008
Lap RNY: 1/30/06-Dr Randal Baker
TT/BL: 09/21/07-Dr Ronald Ford
PS Revisions: 04/29/08-Dr Ronald Ford
Gallbadder removal: 06/09/08-Dr Randal Baker
"...if we pay attention to the fact that we can move,
breathe, feel, laugh, cry and notice sunsets,
there is cause for joy."
-Geneen Roth
|