Beth, Dear,
How wonderful the changes you've mastered in the last 2 years! Very impressive numbers, and also impressive the way you are learning about the you that has been buried in you for so long.
The self realization stuff isn't easy, whether we're thin, fat, 'normal' or challenged. It doesn't get talked about a lot, and my feeling is that it is that way because the people who don't do it don't have a clue, and the people who do figure it is so essential (of the essence) to who we are that they think everyone does it, and what makes them so special? So the discovery and discussion is left to those of us who find it buried deep inside, underneath the layers of hurt and scar tissue, there, a pulsating mass of pink raw emotion.
It's not easy, this being normal thing. I find I still make pretty much the same mistakes as I used to make, some of them even worse than when I was big. I used to weigh my friendships very carefully, each step of the way, to make sure I wouldn't get my friendship thrown back in my face. After all, fat people aren't worthy of real friendship....they'd.....eat all the food! Now as a small person, I tend towards thinking that no one would want to hurt me--hey, I'm normal! Nothing to make fun of, no fear that I would out-eat them in a famine. Whew, was I ever wrong! People of every stripe take advantage/get taken advantage of. While weight may very well make everything stand out in bas relief, it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with our size or theirs. For me, my work is just beginning, learning how to distinguish people who really care for me vs the poseurs and pretenders. Ouch.
I don't know what demons are in your Pandora's box, what lessons you are here to learn, but Beth, please know that I am here to help you on that path. If you stumble, I'll help you up. If you need to run--hell, I'll create a diversion while you slip away!
Just remember to take care of you! We've kind of been conditioned to recognize that last, if ever. I'm in the process of learning that, just as the rest of us on this forum are. Don't look to me for example, or anyone else for that matter. It's something that is tailor made for each of us, and the secret is that we are the tailor.
Love you, Sweetie.