MissScarlett

Ok, I shouldn't be writing this post. I said I was never going to be fat again. I knew I had it conquered. I had a whole new life. Then 3 years ago, it slowing started coming back. I was going to stop it at 5lbs..then 10lbs....then 20lbs now it is 80lbs. 80lbs back. How could this happen? 80lbs.....80lbs. I keep saying the number over and over. How can I ever conquer this again? how could this have happend to me?

I still can't eat much at a meal. I had gastric bypass. I drink nothing but water. Every once in a while I will drink V8 or Fusion. I love water and don't miss drinking anything else.

I know what my problem is. I had gastric bypass so I am not supposed to be able to eat sugar. But I can. Not all kinds but I can eat candy. Sometimes I will get slightly sick feeling but it passes quickly.

I seem to have an addictive personality. I started with Hershey bars, something about the chocolate calms me. I could eat only them all day. I started with just one then moved until I was eating 6 or more a day. I would eat the hershey bars and maybe one turkey sandwich for my whole day. Then I said I was going to stop them and I did. but I started eating M&M's. I hide a bag in my desk drawer. I work from home and spend at least 10 hours a day on the phone. I pull out 10-12 peanut M&M's at a time all day long and still only drink water and eat maybe a turkey sandwich. I eat it on whole wheat bread no mayo I have never like it.

Eating this way has caused me to gain 80lbs. I know it seems ridiculous. Just stop eating the M&M's. But just knowing they are there calms me. If I don't have them I am so stressed out.

This is insane I am depressed and don't know what to do? How did I let this happen? What kind of person eats M&M's all day? I feel worthless and tired. I won't go out anywhere because I am afraid I will run into someone I know and they will see I gained the weight back. I only take my daughter to school and pick her up and I never get out of the car. I send my older daughter to the store to shop or run any errands that need to be done.

I don't even know what I expect anyone to say besides stop eating M&M's. I just really needed to say all this and I haven't told anyone how bad I feel.