Laura,
I know my stock is not very high in your eyes right now, but please accept the calming energy I am sending you. You are in a scary place right now, and are having totally appropriate fears. Try to take slow deep breaths, and remember that if it is your time, it's your time, and nothing will change that. If it's not your time, then try not to freak yourself out needlessly. Love up your family, your DH, your son, and let them know all the things you love about them. Write them letters, tell them everything you want them to know, then seal them up and put them in your 'not to be touched unless things go south' box. When you wake up, you can decide what to do with the letters. It's a good way to get out all the things you want to say, which might be very helpful in keeping you calm.
It's very scary when things are not going well and you know you're staring down the Grim Reaper. But these machines of ours are pretty tough, and it actually takes a lot to bring down a human. I'm sure everything will go well. In your mind, tell yourself that you intend that this will go well and you will feel good again soon. Everyone here is pulling for you, Laura--you're not going into surgery alone!
__________________
Donna the SDgrrl 
Happy to be a GrrzlyBear!
doing the best I can each day
Honor yourself, honor others, and honor the Earth...the rest will take care of itself
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