The hardest thing for me is this, I have been trying to convince myself for the past 3 years that. "Im still the same person." Well I just recently realized that IM NOT. Every aspect of my life has changed, from how I cope with stress, my look and the clothes I choose... I have to dress and primp less for a job interview, and am forced to be less attractive. I lost friends, I gained new ones, the ones I lost I dont miss, the ones that have befriended me in the past 3 years have mostly done so for their own selfish reasons. I used to embrace, and trust and welcome people into my life with open loving, trusting hands, without prejudice......when I was fat I wasnt a threat, now that Im thin I feel as though people have an alterior motive. When I was fat I was independent, and strong and alone, now I have people out of nowhere wanting to "help me"........ why? The "friends" that I made since WLS refuse to talk to me, but rather about me. All I can do about this is accept it. I didnt have any of these concerns as a fat woman. Now Im desirable, intriguing, attractive, and envied..... none of these things as a fat woman. The hardest thing for me is accepting that I cannot be the same person, that I am not the same person. Now I have to identify who I am, who I want to be, and what I want. I have to change my persona, before WLS I had to deal with being victimized and abused by people that I had no control over, now I know differently, now I cope differently, I am no longer "the same person." That has scared the crap out of me.
Guess where I have been folks? Going out of my friggin mind! I am battling depression, anxiety, because of my depression I have a thyroid problem and I am losing weight effortlessly. I am 153 pounds as of last Friday. My weight doesnt concern me, my support system does.
The challenge? Finding out who I am today, identifying who truly cares about me and my well being, and constantly battling codependency and having to accept I am truly not the same person I was before WLS.
I fear that many of you will find joy in reading this, I fear the people who say I am their "friend" wont call, text or email to say, "What the F is goin on?" Frankly I dont need it now, but when your M.IA. for 2 months, isnt anyone concerned? Huh friends? But like I said before, many of you will find joy in reading this. My REAL friends, they know whats going on. I realize that we all lead busy active lives, but I hope reading my story will impress upon you to call or email your friends just to check in. When I was a fat woman it was easier to accept and make excuses for inappropriate behavior, now I can no longer do, tolerate or accept it. These are a few of my challenges, I know I will overcome, I know I will be healthy, I know I will never get fat again, I know who Im not, Im working on who I am and what I will be, and I will be okay. One day at a time.
I highly encourage those who have WLS, and who are survivors of abuse as a child to stick with a counselor, even if it is someone you see once a month. And thats all I have to say about that.
