OK, this is probably going to be long and I feel like I have no where else to turn.I feel like everything is going wrong. Now in my heart I know other people have bigger problem but Right now mine feel like the weight of the world. My biggest issue is my husband. I really wonder if her mentally abuses me. It's not like he calls me stupid or ugly but he says really cruel things to me. We have 5 kids, one passed away two and a half years ago and it is still hard. My father passed away this year in February and I feel more like a mother to my own mother than she is to me. Let's just say she is not all there. With all that said I feel very alone in this world. I used to rely on friends for emotional support. Since I have lost weight allot of my relationships have changed. My girlfriends treat me different, almost mean to me. Our kids use to play now my kids are shut out. I know women can be caddy but damn. My one friend was doing me a favor and taking my kids to school for me and picking them up. A new school opened so the kids had to change schools and do not offer bus service if you do not cross a major street or train track
so that would leave them with walking or cacheting the bus. My girls are 6 and 8 and it is a little over a mile in 110 degree heat. Anyway I needed her to d this for about a month until other arrangements could be taken care of. She called me last night at 10pm and said her friend was willing to pick up the girls but my kids need to make sure their out there on time because she didn't have time to wait. Now I know that is a reasonable request but my daughter has been a little late because her teacher let's he rout late not allot she can do about it. I just felt like if it were the other way around and I did not have a job and was picking my kids up anyway, I would not have a problem with it. She does not have to watch them after she drops them off and we live across the street so its not out of her way. Long story short she made me feel like crap and I thought we suppose to be friends.
My Husband...He keeps saying things like if some man comes along and says the right thing I will cheat with him. He says he gives our relationship a 60/40 chance of making it. . The 40 is the making it half. After our first kids he said he did not want any additional kids. He had 2 kids from his first marriage and said at this point of his life he wanted to do what he wanted to do with no responsibility's. He had also said he did not want to get married but here we are. He kept saying he would get sniped to prevent additional kids. I would NOT get my tubes tied. I was 22 and new I wanted more kids. I know the writing should have been on the wall. Anyway now we have these kids to raise and my crazy mother lives with us who he absolutely hates but she watches the kids and helps me around the house. So this is all said so you know where the hurtful things come in. When we have a disagreement he will say things like don't ask me for help you were the one who wanted kids or I feel like a prisoner in my own home with that cancer (my mother) living here. If we run into a financial strain he always blames me and it roots back to me liking to take the kids to Disneyland. It never has anything to do with what he wants and buys. He sent me an email today and said we should have space away from each other for a while. I responded back and one of the lines from his email was this "I’ve tried but its too much for me now. You obviously can’t be what I need and I obviously can’t be what you need." I love how he make the decision for me with what I need. When things are good there good but and ripple in the water and he is ready to walk out of the door. I know he is not fully committed to this relationship. It's not like he is cheating but he acts like he has one foot in and one foot out of the door. I get scared thinking about being a single parent with 4 small kids. The worst is I feel really really alone. I use to think I could count on my husband and I cant! My friends are flaky. My dad and I did not always see eye to eye but he would never leave me hanging. I have a brother and 2 sisters but they are busy in there lives, plus they are younger than me and could offer any real advise. Not that young people cant offer advise just my family. Maybe I should just cut and run now. We have allot invested but it seems to keep coming to this. I know he has a hard time with my weight loss. He will never say it but he does. Now all of the sudden I am accused of possibly turning to the town floozy. I lost weight for me! and only me! I went to get a consult for plastic surgery and he got all bent out of shape. I just want to be happy and not feel like I am in a big black hole by myself. All my life I have had to rely on me and now it looks like I will have to rely on me and support 4 kids along with it. Thanks for listening. I am at work and can not stop crying I just don't know what to do. Any advise will be helpful. By the way consouling is not a option. He feels like if you need to work that hard at it then it is not worth it.
