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I go to the seminar. The room is full. There is a post-op patient there for a 9 month checkup. I'm pretty sure it was 9 months. After the pass out the packet with info they bring her up front. They open the floor to her for questions. She states she has lost like 140 pounds in 9 months... I get all excited and start calculating numbers in my head. Wow.. 15 pounds a month. She also mentioned that she still drank soda. I'm pretty much not hearing anything else but what I want to hear at that point. She said a bunch of stuff and answered many questions. All I heard was lose weight fast and you can still cheat on the program and lose weight. Typical for me and my weight loss history. All I'm thinking in my head is that I can lose this weight fast and get my life back in order. I can rebuild my business, get my wife back, go back home and everyting will be peachy.... I had some big surprises waiting for me. I didn't realize the journey this surgery was going to take me on.
About 6 months later on May 23, 2001 I have the surgery. I went thru the same anxeity and impatience everyone else did so I won't go into that. I wake up in the recovery room. It was my first surgery and I didn't realize that going under was going to be like closing your eyes for a minute. I was thinking something went wrong and it didn't happen...but it did. lol I remember I was so determined to make this thing happen from the start. I took hold of my IV pole and walked around the ICU like I was on a mission. The nurses telling me to slow down. lol I had set it in my head that I was going to get everything I had once back within 6 months to a year and I was going to make it work. I go thru the same struggle as everyone else as far as getting sick on foods and such. I don't have any craving for "bad" foods tho. A month previous I had ate like I would as far as the type of food I would be eating. No white carb or sugar. Still tho I was so turned off by food I could care less about eating. I was intolerate to a lot of things. Thinking back tho I wonder how much was physical and how much was mental. I lived for months off of Sobe Lean and beef jerky. My labs were good so I didn't care then. Physically and mentally I was feeling good. The pounds were coming off quick. Within 3 weeks I was submitting resumes and looking for a job. I didn't have any money. I was pretty much flat broke and the wife wasn't supporting me so I was on my own. I had no clothes. I swolled my pride and asked a friend to loan me money to buy a suit for interviews. He went shopping with me and put his on his credit card. I promised to pay him back when I got my first paycheck. After several interviews I landed a job. It felt like everyting was clicking... Now I had to work on the relationship with the wife. She saw me about 8 weeks after the surgery. She cried. She was so happy for me. She just said "look at you..you have life in your eyes again". I didn't know I was that bad. I didn't realize I had showed it so much. I thought I had hid it well. I had shared with her how I entertained thoughts of getting back together. She was not responsive. This was going to take more work than I thought. After several months work was going well and the pounds were coming off at record pace. I go thru all the emotions of body image and new experiences like sitting in booths and smaller clothes. It's been about 6 months after surgery and my wife has agreed to let me take her out. We go to a play and a carriage ride. It was a nice night. We get back together for about 2 months and my issues start coming back. Stuff like fear and insecurity of losing everything again makes me start trying to control my environment and I start getting obsessive about it. We split up again and she files for divorce. I continue on with my life. Work is fine and I'm still losing weight but it has slowed some. A year post-op comes around... This was the time frame I have givin myself to take care of things. I've lost weight and feel good. I'm working. Things didn't go well with the wife but at the time I figure that's on her. Damn... I haven't lost any weight in a few weeks. I wonder why? Then I realize I'm sitting on the couch watching tve with a bag of doritos in my lap. After all I've been thru I'm thinking how can I be unconciously doing this? I'm in danger of not losing anymore weight and even regain. I'm scared and I don't know what to do.....
Man... this is a long story.
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Dr. Callery
Open RNY
05/23/01
448/175
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