LQQkn

I am so sick tonight, I drove home crying from work. I am so having a hard time right now. I can't go any lower I don't think. I've lost everything financially, I have lost some long term friends (were they really friends?) because they think that it's all in my head because I look well on the outside now. To top it called disability today, and doesn't look like I'm going to qualify for much disability this time around because it's based on income from 06 and 07. That is when I made very little money.. and that scares me because I don't know how long I will be recovering, and I don't know if my job will be there when I get finished, they didn't stand by me the first time I had surgery.. why would they do it now? To be honest if either of my dogs were hurting like I hurt I would have put them down long ago! Does it mean I can quit, no.. but what can I do for the amount of pain? I can't take pain meds because my colon shuts down, and Tylenol doesn't cut it, only gives me an upset stomach.. I feel like my body has ten tons sitting on it, my insides are burning, especially in my left side. I probably shouldn't have waited this long but I just wasn't ready before because I was too scared. I don't care at this point .. bring it on in fact if I went out on the table it would be fine too, I know I wouldn't be suffering anymore.
No folks I'm not going to kill myself or anything of that nature.. I'm just so done I can't take anymore done. I am not certain why this happened to me.. I just didn't want to end up like my grandmother, she died from obesity at 64. I was diabetic so was she.. only mine came on at 39 hers at 59. She died at a young age, I was trying to avoid it.. only it back fired on me and I probably took 20 yrs off my life doing this surgery. How could I have been so careless? Careless with my body? I'm done rambling.. Janie